Heartstuck: Trio
by Kaiyousama
Summary: It's been years since Dave's seen John, years since they really talked. But with college starting, John is coming to share an apartment with Dave, Karkat and Sollux, which pulls up all sorts of questions and complications - and new possibilities.
1. Ch 1: the waiting game is stupid - TG

Dave was bored.

No, that probably wasn't the truth. Well, he was bored. No one online, not really. Most people out doing mad pre-college-class bullshit, getting moved into their dorm rooms. Most of the people he'd talk to were going to be here anyways, soon.

Boredom was just a skeevy overlay on a patch of gut-deep nervousness, if he was to be honest. And he was. Honest. Well, except for every moment of the motherfucking day when he wasn't. Like now. Nerves. Ok. He could admit nerves. Admitting why - well, his mind shied away from that like a preacher from a skanky two-bit ho. Not that he knew any two-bit hos. Or preachers. Shit, Porrim would probably kick his ass if she knew he'd been talking about hos that way. Or any way, other than respecting them for the hardworking men and women that they were, or some shit. Fuck. Now his metaphors were really getting away from him.

He glanced around at the computer in front of him, all new and shiny on a not so new and shiny dormitory desk. Standard fare, really. At least he had the room to himself - well, technically at least. He was sharing an apartment type thing with four bedrooms, two on either side of some shared living space and kitchen. Could be worse. He could be stashed away like a sardine in a tin with other crotch-grabbing butt monkeys. At least his inheritance paid for this much, so he could stay in the same dorm with his closest friends and family.

Family. There was a big black-hole of a word. He clamped down on it, squeezed it away, replaced it by staring at the shitty over-pixilated lamp that sat next to his computer, although why he'd fucking need a lamp on his desk he didn't know, especially when there was a fluorescent one built into the damn thing already. But it pulled his mind away from smuppets and swords and the new fucking cousin he was supposed to meet later and - Nope. Not goin there. Not yet, no no no.

He heard a sleepy little grunt from behind him and glanced back, gaze softening. Sleeping beauty was always pretty damn good at bringing a smile to his lips. He listened to the deep rhythmic breathing, centering himself even as fingertips ran along the white plastic curve of his headphones lying silent on the desk. He could put them on, mix up some big phat beats. Use the music to syphon the nervousness out of him, bit by bit. He had a webcam trained on his bed so he could check to see if the sloppy mat of black curls so much as stirred, but decided it wasn't on the books today. He was too hyped up, too nervous, and he wanted to slide into cuddles as soon as the other was awake enough that he wouldn't be woken up by Dave's nervous movements. Sleep was a precious commodity, after all. Not as precious as apple juice, but damned if he wasn't gonna deprive the kid of some zzz's just because he had a hankerin for some soul-searchin skin time.

He had to quiet a snort from that turn of phrase, wondering what reaction it would get if the other was awake. Probably an icy glare or cold shoulder. At least for a few minutes. He grinned, flipping the webpage to watch the plane tracker not move for a few more minutes, trying to quiet his swiftly-beating heart.

That plane tracked the first person he was worried about. Well, not worried exactly. He was excited as fuck about the guy on that plane. He hadn't seen John in fucking forever, not since they were thirteen and at some fucked-up excuse for a summer camp. They'd known each other for years before that, playing stupid video game after stupid video game together along with Jade and Rose, teaming up against other stupid kids. It had been an awesome escape from his childhood. The one where he was the weirdo kid with the weirdo eyes and the weirdo family situation, who wasn't involved in any school activities and avoided most people in general. Oh, and then there was the thing with Bro. That, though, was still a gaping black hole of festering putrid unresolved shit that had been whipped into a fucking frenzy by plush protuberances before being frozen in time by the murder of his guardian shortly after Dave had gotten home from summer camp.

It was only later, when child services fostered him with the Maryams, that he started to figure out how crazy fucked up things had been with Bro. It was still hard to get his mind around it. Easier to pull up stupid shit that had absolutely nothing to do with his family at all, especially the fact that, unlike he'd believed, he wasn't the last Strider alive in the universe. Lo and behold, he had a fucking cousin. A cousin a year older than him. That was going to this fucking university. This was person number two on his worry list, and fuck if he hadn't worked himself around to facing this mindfuck of an issue faster than if Rose had laid him out on her two-bit ho of a couch (because it let anyone ride it, and knowing Rose, it probably had). At least his weird spermbank-sister-friend wasn't here to see the slow descent of Dave Strider's self-possession.

Fucking hell Karkat needed to wake up.

He wondered if it would be skeevy to turn around and slide his chair over to watch the troll sleep. Well, any more skeevy than having a webcam trained on his somnolent body. Not that it was recording of course. Or broadcasting as well. He wasn't his fucking brother. He just liked to be reminded that the other was still there. He wondered if Karkat would let him put a webcam in his room too, the one on the other side of the apartment. Pondered it for a minute, thought about the likely property damage that would result from the question, and filed it away for another moment in time.

He watched the box in the corner of his screen for a moment, but all the other boy did was turn his face towards the camera, dark lashes still gracing his light grey skin. Chuffing quietly at his own impatience, Dave turned back to the browser with the airplane. Twenty-nine minutes and sixteen seconds before it touched down on the ground. Then add on another twenty minutes to get through the gate and pick up luggage, forty-five minutes or so to get through traffic, make it a little over an hour and a half until the best friend of thirteen year-old him moved into the room next door. It was too long, and also not enough, and his stomach was tying itself in knots in a way that only Karkat would get. Not Rose, or Dolorosa, or Jade, or anyone else.

Rose would think he was overthinking things again. It was one of the reasons he'd been barred from going to pick John up. What did she know? Jane had gotten in a couple days ago and they were perfectly fine together. Then again Rose was blatantly out, had been dating Kanaya for the past few years. And neither she nor Jade had up and just quit everything like he had after his Bro had died, all up until he'd been placed with the Maryams and found out one of the other kids in his foster home was a troll who he'd played against in their stupid games. Fighting with him had distracted him from all the other shit in his life. They'd annoyed the fuck out of each other back then, though for the most part Dave had found it hilarious. Still did. Though they'd worn down some of the rough edges by now. How he'd actually classify their relationship now - well. It was complicated.

He just knew that Karkat was motherfucking important as hell to him, and had no idea how John would feel about that. Didn't know how he'd feel about this John that he'd barely been able to talk to in the last few years. Worried that his best friend would be someone totally different, someone who wouldn't gel with him, who'd regret agreeing to move into the same apartment, who'd be blatantly homophobic even though Dave didn't put a label on his own sexuality really hadn't really figured out anything except that some people were important and some people made him feel good and he worried that he was all fucked up about sex because of all the fucking porn and smut that Bro had exposed him to and - shit.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Again. Again.

Unconsciously he synchronized his breaths to the boy sleeping behind him, only stuttering when he heard a long yawn, stretch, and mumble from the bed.

Motherfucking finally. Fucking sleep cycles took far too fucking long. Turning, he looked, rewarding himself with the view of half-awake Karkat staring at him through sleep-dazed eyes. The other boys mouth was working a bit, but no words.

Dave chuckled and rolled over to the bed, slowly climbing up on it and sliding in next to Karkat as he rolled onto his back.

"Hey, sleeping beauty," he said, laughing at the face the other made at that. Were the other boy more awake he probably would've received a punch to the shoulder. As was, he just found himself trapped in a greedy snuggle embrace that he was happy to reciprocate.

Karkat was warm, and his hair smelled like cinnamon as Dave tipped his head to nuzzle at it. He thought about encouraging the other boy to take off his sweatshirt. Karkat had basically just come into the room earlier and bounced onto the bed, pulling the covers up over himself before napping. He was probably overheated now, and that wasn't good.

Getting Karkat even partially naked was probably not a good idea, though. They only had an hour and a half, less really, maybe an hour if traffic was good. Not that anything would happen, but it could. Possibly. At least a part of him hoped it would. That part that was used to having dreams that never came true, at least. Karkat would probably quash the idea of any happy funtimes like a cockroach in a Wafflehouse, basically for the same reasons as Dave's smarter side was. Karkat was worried about Egbert coming too. Dave wasn't entirely sure what the trolls deal was, though he flattered himself it had something to do with him. Sometimes it seemed like there was something else there too, though.

It didn't matter.

It was enough, just now, to hold him. Run fingers up and down his back, over the soft knit fabric, feel him almost purring. Karkat's arms were wrapped around him too - solid, thick arms that had held him through some of the worst nights of his life.

Karkat grounded him.

Karkat was home.

He needed this way more than any distraction, no matter how pleasurable, even if the pleasure involved Karkat himself. These moments he felt like Karkat was a magnet pulling all the pieces of Dave Strider out from all the edges of the universe and tucking them back onto the spinning record that was his soul. All worries about John or Dirk or anyone else just got extracted for the time being because they didn't fit the program. Not part of the playlist. Screw all the snazzy ass beats wanting to get playtime in the club, cuz right now Professor K is in charge and he's layin down smooth slick thumpin' beats and won't add in none of that low class claptrap tinny worry shit (Dave had wondered at some point in time what it would be like if someone could actually read his mind and catch all these classic lines, but Karkat had reminded him - because Dave had wondered this out loud - that half the time they it fell out of his mouth anyways because evidently Dave had no filter. When he'd said that Karkat wasn't complaining (blatant lie that it was) Karkat had shut him up. Effectively. Dave had made him promise not to sell the secret of that to anyone).

They stayed like that for a while, Dave's heart calming down for real. He kissed the end of one blunt little horn, chuckling at the pinch Karkat gave him in return and the grumble against his chest. A corner of his mind was counting down the time they still had. If he'd wanted to, he could've gone over and tracked Rose's phone as it came closer. It was easier to do things this way though, losing the greater part of himself in half-awake Karkat. Thirty minutes left. Twenty. Fifteen - he was probably cutting it too close, but it wasn't like they needed to shower or anything. Ten, well, that was probably good enough.

He sighed.

"Alright, we should probably get up."

A grunt was the trolls reply, then, "How far out are they?"

"Probably about ten minutes."

That did earn him a punch, and shriek, and he was left clutching cold, cold air as Karkat ran to go get ready.

The bottom dropped out again, though it was different than before. Now he was less anxious than just impatient. Getting up he made his bed, checked his hair in the mirror on the wall - fuck, why the fuck was he preening for Egbert - and looked around to make sure everything was in its place. Fuck, was the bathroom clean? Kitchen? Living room? Shit, did everything smell ok? He should've baked a fucking cake just to be ironic. A little welcome home present. Fuck he should've baked a whole room full of cakes, been the ultimate ironic, welcome home just like your dad where was Karkat -

He fell into the futon in their shared living space, staring at the huge television and all the gaming system and games he'd bought when the first check from his trust had cleared. It reminded him of the old apartment somewhat. No freakin puppets, of course - except for the Mr. T one that Sollux had gotten him just to be a dick.

He really had liked that puppet as a kid. Ironically, of course, but he figured that sincerity was irony at some point, like fifty levels down on the irony scale.

A door opened behind him and he jumped, turning to stare at the front door expectantly, but nope, nothin.

Instead he just heard an exasperated sigh. "You're pathetic."


	2. Ch 2: SHUTTING UP IS A GOOD IDEA - FCG

Karkat really did pity Dave, on so many levels. It had been the beginning of the end when he started to feel like Dave was more than just a one-dimensional asshole on the other end of a screen. Once he'd learned more about the asshole's life, pity had started to take its place beside irritation and grudging respect. That had just opened the floodgates to all these MOTHERFUCKING FEELINGS that kept coming up at the most odd and inappropriate of times.

Like now. John was probably no more than five minutes out, if that, and all he wanted to do was go over there and wipe the smirk off of Dave's face. With his mouth. Before marking up the human's pale vulnerable neck with his teeth, making a statement that John couldn't ignore.

See there. That? Inappropriate.

If Dave was pathetic, he was worse.

Instead he just shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair, going over to plop down on the couch beside Dave.

A pale hand came over to grasp his grey one, and he squeezed, allowing the contact. It was hard, because being with Dave was easy, now. Well, not all the time - he still got angry of course - but he knew Dave's rhythms, and Dave knew him. Most of the time if they set each other off it was intentional. Safe, in its own special fucked-up way.

"I wish the mayor could be here for this," he said.

Dave brightened. "Yeah, dude, That'd be awesome. I bet John would love to meet the mayor, he's just amazing. Too bad - well."

It really wasn't too bad that the mayor couldn't go to college with them. He was probably at home in the basement working on can town. Going to college would mean having to leave a familiar space, leave the safety of Dolarosa's house, and that would probably have had some very bad results. He didn't even like to go grocery shopping for more cans. That was ok though. In his own special way the mayor was brilliant, and it didn't matter that the rest of the world wouldn't ever have a clue.

He squeezed Dave's hand again, thankful that the human got it. Well, more than anyone else at least. Karkat liked to think of himself as being closer to the mayor than anyone else, but it didn't really matter.

Dave had pulled out his phone with his other hand and was mashing at the screen impatiently. Karkat could feel the little tremors in the other's hand. It made him feel caught between annoyance and worry and pity, and none of those were emotions he wanted to examine too damn closely. He wished the mayor was here. He could tell the mayor anything. That dude was great at keeping secrets. Dude. Fuck. Dave was rubbing off on him.

All of a sudden there was a knock at the door, and Dave's hand was gone. Well it only made sense, seeing as that he'd jumped up and was turning around looking at the door. Magically waiting for it to open or some shit. Karkat got up as well, staring at the same spot on the door and feeling stupid as shit because when someone knocked on the door you answered it you didn't just expect it to open on its own.

Except, of course, if the person on the other side finally figured out they had a fucking key of their own and opened the door.

And there was the John human, all grown up. "Hi guys!" he said.

"Wow," Dave whispered under his breath. Karkat could feel his hand kinda fluttering next to his arm, like he wanted to take hold. He wouldn't, though. Dave wanted to play it cool. Dave wanted to act like the fucking coolkid he thought he'd been when he was still thirteen. Dave was going to fail hardcore, probably, which sent layers of pity and affection and annoyance through Karkat's bloodpusher. "Wow, he's here."

And he definitely was. Shorter than Dave by a couple inches, though still taller than Karkat himself. Dusky skin, blue eyes that shouldn't exist in reality behind nerdy glasses that pinged a thought Karkat immediately filed away for later. Right next to the thought about how different John's skin was from Dave's, and the thought about how it looked like John was pretty muscular for a nerd, and how John's fingers were long and slender. Right. John played piano. John had been working in construction over the summer. He knew all these things, he just hadn't expected what they'd mean.

"Hey, John," Karkat said, raising up a hand and waving. Dave was still freaking out mumbling to himself and so he elbowed the human, hissing, "Say hi, you rude fuck."

"Oh, yeah," Dave muttered, then spoke up. "Hey John, what's up man."

"I'm actually here! That's so awesome," John said, stepping inside finally and shutting the door after dropping his luggage to the side. Then he was over behind the futon, sharing a fist bump with Dave like they'd never left each other's side.

"So Karkat," he said, still looking at Dave.

"What?"

"Don't leave me hanging here."

"What?!"

"Fistbump!"

"What? But you just -" Karkat said, looking down at the fist that John had just raised up.

"Sheesh, Karkat, get with the program man," Dave said, grabbing Karkat's wrist and bumping his fist against John's.

"Right, whatever," Karkat murmured, feeling lost at sea as John and Dave shared a laugh about it while John came around to sit next to Dave on the futon and they started chatting up a storm. Karkat sat down too. He felt this weird sense of deja vu, like he was just observing their friendship from afar, like all the times they'd chatted it up online. They didn't need him.

Then Dave looked over, his hand brushing against Karkat's leg. "Come on man, you're being awfully quiet over there."

"Yeah, I didn't know you were a functional mute," John said.

"Fuck man! Ableist much? Way to be a fucking asshole!" Karkat yelled back.

He stared dumbfounded as John collapsed into laughter, looking at him warm gaze, like he was overwhelmingly happy to see him. Not just Dave, him.

"That's what I'm talking about," John finally said. "There you are."

Karkat caught himself wanting to smile back.

"So what are your rants like in person? Are they as awesome as they are online? Man I remember when you used to troll me all day, and it was funny as hell."

And the smile was gone. "Ok, fuck you, fuckbert!" Karkat said. "I'll have you know I'm not going to spend all fucking day yelling up a storm just because you get your fucking rocks off to verbal violence you bulgeswilling freak! I'm a more mature person than that, so fuck you! You fucking fuckwad!" Shit. All that anger and John was just laughing up a storm again, and even Dave was cracking a smile. Fuuuuuuck.

And then Dave's smile wasn't just the human internally laughing at him, it was directed to him, and Karkat was pulled in all the right places inside. Had he been afraid that Dave would give him up once John was here? That he'd be left alone? Yeah probably. He'd admit that if the mayor asked, he supposed, even though the mayor knew fuckall about human fucking friendship emotions. And it was a stupid fucking fear anyway.

"As amusing as an afternoon of this would be," Dave said, "Maybe we could concentrate on catching up?"

"Yeah, ok," Karkat said.

"Wow, you agree with him pretty fast," John said. It felt like another attempt at a dig, but this one just glanced off.

Karkat just shrugged. "It is pretty cool to meet you." And it was, even if Egbert was turning out to have moments of Grade-A Douchiness. That wasn't news after all, but everyone had their moments. And he really didn't want to go down the road of hatemance any further in his mind, because he knew that would just lead to abject disappointment. "But yeah, I'm glad you're getting to room with us, and we'll be able to hang out more than we used to a while ago. And it'll be more than just angry dudes fighting our way through an imaginary world. Also you don't have to worry because I'm completely over -"

And fuck, there went his mouth again, racing ahead through stupidsville without permission.

"Over what?" John said.

"You know, that time when we were arguing, and I might've almost hit on you, in a totally non-flushed hatefilled way, and-"

And there, it just keeps on coming. It's like an all you can eat buffet, except that the buffet is of utter embarrassment. Embarrassment that he's doing to himself. Fuck.

"Dude," Dave said, probably freaking out about watching this trainwreck happen in person. Had he ever told the human about that little slip up with John? Shit. Fuck. Over all those conversations they'd had about John coming here? Fuck probably not.

"And you know that was a stupid teenage crush - moment - not even a moment - just fucking stupid and anyways I'm completely over it so - it's fine."

Fuck.

And now they were both staring at him like he was an alien being. Which he was. Technically. And if his blood color hadn't been obvious before it was now, because he was pretty sure he was blushing up a storm.

"Do you remember that?" Karkat asked, feeling himself dig even just a little deeper, but desperate for someone to say something.

"Uh," John said, "maybe? That was a long time ago, and I didn't really get the whole troll romance thing, plus we said a lot of stupid shit in those conversations that I didn't take seriously. I mean, it was all fun and games, right?"

"Oh. Ok. Uh, well, obviously it wasn't a big deal to you, not like it was - fuck. But that doesn't matter, because I'm obviously over it, and I just wanted to make sure you knew that."

"Oh, Ok," John said.

"Yeah dude, we can tell," Dave said. Karkat looked at the blond and swore he was mouthing the words 'shut up' at him, probably in capital letters, and the more Karkat thought about it the more he figured it was probably good advice. Fuck. Unfortunately, his mouth somewhat failed to get the memo.

"Yeah, well, we're all reminiscing here, aren't we? So I was just bringing up a memory, and letting John know I was just cool about it!"

"Karkat, man," Dave said, "Yeah, we're reminiscing but shit. You pull that out of your toolbox on the first round? That's the first thing you want to share with him?"

"I just wanted -"

"Wait," John said. "Wait, I think I kinda remember. Some sort of hate flirt, right? And you were pretty blunt about it, but I didn't really know what was going on, so I told you I wasn't a homosexual and I didn't really even get at the time that you were a troll -"

"Yeah! See that, exactly. That's the issue at hand, except it's not an issue. everything is non-issue, and we're all cool."

"Yeah, motherfucking peachy, man," Dave muttered.

Except, it wasn't cool. Or peachy. The look Dave shot him was full of reasons why things weren't cool, even muted behind those stupid shades. The shades that John had bought him when they were kids and he never stopped wearing except under very special circumstances and sleep. All of a sudden Karkat felt like a selfish prick.

"Except, and I mean," Dave said, "not that I'm one to talk about people expressing their feelings way too much, or like, being honest, but I got to wonder if maybe the fact that the first thing you had to say to him is that you're so over all these fucking black feeling with John - well, second, excuse me, the first was all up and yelling in his face - then maybe some of those feelings are unexplored? Maybe we should, I don't know, jam about it? Talk it out? Get to the bottom of the deep, dark, Karkat hate buck-"

"Shut your filthy mouth!" Karkat said. He found himself on his knees suddenly, hand over Dave's lips. There was pure heat in Dave's eyes now, and in other places too. Dave was a fucking idiot. What the fuck was he thinking. He knew how to press all the buttons, the greedy wanting-to-fill-every-quadrant motherfucker and John was right there. Right fucking there next to them on the couch.

For a moment Karkat's mind snapped, and he imagined just giving into it. Inviting John to a little hatefuck festivities. Why not, it was already perverted enough all the things he and Dave got into, what with quadrant flipping faster than a fucking roulette wheel sometimes. Why not invite another human into the mix, when they both wanted him.

He felt Dave's lips pull back and teeth press against his palm, biting down at his skin. He could see the situation playing out before him, and it was good, so motherfucking good, the best of all fantasies that he wouldn't ever share with anyone else -

But when he looked over at John, all he felt was pity for the uncertainty in his eyes.

That killed it. He fell back against the arm of the futon, curling up on himself and glaring at Dave. The glare was returned.

"Hey, uh, I think you're making Karkat a little uncomfortable there, Dave," John finally said.

"No shit sherlock," Karkat muttered.

"No way man," Dave said, reaching over and punching Karkat in the shin. "That would be so uncool. I just think it's good for a person to be open and honest about their feelings, right?"

Fucking asshole.

"I mean," the asshole continued, "Clearly you had these spady feelings for John, at least at one point - but I don't remember you ever bringing it up. Is this something you've been chewin on for the past few years, or -"

"Fuck no!"

"Well, it just seems like something you should know you can talk to me about. I mean, we talk about all these other feelins," Dave continued, looking over at John. "I mean, Karkat's been like my best bro since - well, I mean. You were my best bro for thirteen years here, and if you'd asked me Karkat, I coulda told you that there's no way that John could ever hate anyone. Sorry man. Total dead end, no can do on the U.S.S. Hatemance. Battleship sunk before it got out of port."

Karkat was watching John's face as Dave said that, and he wondered for a moment. He'd thought that the dork would have an easy face to read, but there was something there. Maybe he was just annoyed that Dave had brought up the fact that they hadn't spoken much the past few years. There were good reasons for that, but still. Weird.

"I know that," Karkat said. "John, I want to make it clear that I am not in hate with you. Ok?"

"No problem," John said. "And by the way Dave, I mean, I know it's been a few years and whatever, but - I mean I do get angry at people sometimes. Maybe hate is extreme, and I'm pretty sure it hasn't ever been anything but completely platonic, but -"

"See there, Kitkat? Maybe there's hope for you after all," Dave said.

"Shut up, Dave," Karkat said, punching him in the shoulder.

That just made Dave laugh. It wasn't an angry laugh, though. Somewhere in there, in all those words, the anger had siphoned away.

"No come on, man, it could totally be a thing. Karkat and John, riding off into the sunset on the deck of an oil tanker, sticks of dynamite in each hand ready to light em up and make your own special brand of fireworks when the lights go out -"

"Fuck you Dave. Seriously. We go down we're takin you with us."

"Yeah! Stop trying to put one over on us, Dave. You'd have to join us at the bottom of Karkat's deep, dark, seething - what was that word again?" John said.

"Fuck you John. Don't even go there."

"Man, Rose would probably have a lot to say about you using the word fuck so much," Dave said.

That sends a collective chill through all three of them, and suddenly Karkat was deeply, seriously, thankfully glad that Rose had been nowhere near them for this fucked up reunion conversation.

"By the way, John," Dave said after a moment, "I mean, I get you come from a kinda sheltered background and all, but - uh - about the whole 'I'm not a homosexual' thing - don't you think that's a little dated?"


	3. Ch 3: this is simple, right? - EB

"Uh, what?"

The last thing John had expected for Dave to say was, well, that.

Especially after that crazy weird conversation with Karkat. And he could admit, internally at least, that it had probably been a weird thing to say to a troll, even if he hadn't actually known Karkat was a troll at the time.

Because trolls were different, right? They weren't actually guys or girls, because they were alien, and all their bits were basically alike. No wait. That was probably a fucked up thought. Erase that thought. Never let Karkat hear that thought. Better to tread safer waters.

"I don't think it's dated at all," John said. "I mean, it's normal, right? That's what you say when you're..."

And he wasn't sure what to say, because he wasn't really sure of anything. He knew he liked girls - had gotten to ride on the plane with Rose's long-lost-twin Roxy, and that girl had been as sweet and adorable and cute as anything. And trolls - well, trolls didn't count, right? Right. All that mattered was that he wasn't gay.

Because Dave wasn't gay. Obviously. Because he was too cool for that. They both were, even if John wasn't cool at all. Especially right now. Because there Dave was talking again.

"What is normal, anyways, Egbert?" Dave said. "Normal's just other people's way of telling you what's wrong about yourself, really. And do you know how much shit comes from other people going on and on about what's normal? I mean, if you really want to know, you should talk to Karkat's older brother. No, fuck that, we don't want you lost in a whirlpool of crass trigger-warning self-satisfied douchebaggy judgmentalness. You could talk to Porrim though. She's hot as fuck, and will school the fuck out of you, like in a 'I'm hot for teacher but man could she fuck me over with that ruler and I'd like it' type of way. No, on second thought, stay away from her for the time being. Safer that way. Don't want to have to pick you up from off the side of the road one day, take you home listening to you moan about having your mind blown by the girl I accidentally walked in on once when I was fourteen and she was taking a shower. Just, some things in life that shouldn't happen."

And there went Karkat, literally covering his face with his hands and acting like he wanted to melt off the couch into oblivion. John chuckled at that, just a bit. Not enough to really interrupt Dave's - whatever the fuck Dave was doing.

"It's just not all that simple if you think about it, John," Dave said. That's what he was doing. Oh yeah. Going on and on about what - sexuality! Exactly what John wanted to hear. But it was Dave, and so John listened. "I mean, a lot of that sexuality stuff is just programmed into our brain by the media, dude. This is good. This is bad. Oh that's so gay! And by gay, we mean lame, and not masculine enough, and you can't be gay if you want to be cool. And yeah, sometimes people pull that pansy-assed shit and I remember times when we'd go 'Oh wow man that's gay as hell" or tease each other about being gay, but. I mean. Isn't that just conforming to these fucked up ideas people try to brainwash you with?"

"Uh, maybe?"

And now Karkat was actively hitting his head against the back of the futon. That was funny.

"I mean," Dave said, "What if you took some time to think about it, I mean really think about it, and it turned out that like..."

"Like?" John asked, watching as Karkat yelled something unintelligible into the cushion his face was smashed up against. That triggered a really weird thought, one that shied away from John's grasp and went and hid in a strange little corner of his mind.

"Uh, I don't know," Dave said, pausing for a moment.

Karkat looked at him then, and John didn't know what that expression was because it was quickly hidden between a mask of total irritation and disgust - aka what John had always thought Karkat's normal expression would be.

"Like," Dave said, "Uh, what if you weren't exactly who you thought you were? Like, what if you figure out all the screwing around and throwing around gay this and gay that was just like, I don't know..."

John thought about it for a moment, and decided to try and cut to the heart of things in the gentlest possible way. "Uh, Dave, are you trying to tell me you're gay?"

"What?" Dave said. "Fuck no, what?"

"I mean, did you like, turn gay during the time we've been apart? I mean, like - my absence didn't turn you gay, did it? I mean..."

"What? Ok, that's just fucked up dude, like, seriously. First off, people don't like, turn gay, you know? That! That right there! That's some antiquated stick it in your grandpappy's joke book bullshit the very fact you can say 'turned gay' means we're like on totally different wavelengths about this shit, aww fuck..."

"Well it feels like you're trying to tell me something - right Karkat? I mean, that's what it sounds like -"

But Karkat had turned around and looked like he's in the process of wilfully sliding off the couch headfirst.

"No, no man," Dave said, "You know what, let's, like, verbally wrestle this motherfucking conversation to the ground another time."

And Karkat might have wheezed out a "Yes, please," though it was hard to tell with his face turned toward the far wall.

"No wait!" John said. "I mean - if you are gay, it's cool - or even like - if you've dated boys? Though I mean, you haven't really talked about many guys the few times we've talked lately, except Karkat. Woah, wait - is that what you're trying to tell me? Are you and Karkat, uh..."

They both froze up at that, Karkat mid-slide-off-the-couch and Dave while looking at John. It's weird, the tension that suddenly came up, and John didn't know how to interpret it. Then Karkat snapped.

"No, no, no! Fuck if we're having this conversation like this right now. If you guys continue I'm totally retreating to my happy place aka my own fucking room and you all can just fucking have all these fucking words, words that are just vomited up out of the depths of stardust and space asses and make absolutely no motherfucking sense to say aloud to anyone else in these circumstances and all the fuck, of all the fucking tactless bullshit. Did I start this? Did I initiate this shitstorm of gaudily colored verbal sequences that keep spinning around in this room like it is a motherfucking vacuum wanting to be filled up with idiotic fucking nonsense including mentions of my motherfucking brother but most of all all these stupid fucking words gah! and you tell me to be honest and I'm just argghhhh!"

He inhaled, and held it, and John watched him start to turn red. Any other time it would be gloriously funny but now? Uh, Now. "Karkat, are we making you uncomfortable?"

The troll looked at John like he was an idiot. Either that, or like he wanted to launch himself claws-first at John's face.

"Hey, woah there buddy," Dave said, reaching over to pat Karkat's exposed belly, which made the troll's face twist apoplectically. "Yeah, I think you're right, John. Maybe we should actually take this back to a safer topic?"

"Yeah, ok, that seems like a good idea."

"I mean, I don't know if you've picked up on this or not, but our little troll here can be kinda sensitive sometimes," Dave continued, rubbing the bare skin and ignoring the way that Karkat's hands were reaching up and wrapping around his wrist trying to pull the hand away.

"Sensitive? Really?" John said, trying to ignore the way the other two boy's struggles had caused Karkat's shirt to ride up just a bit and oh look there, grubscars. "Uh, Dave? I mean if he really is sensitive should you, uh -"

Because Dave had both hands in on it now, and it looked like tickling but Karkat didn't look happy and wow it was kinda (hot) (but he wasn't a) (and how had he ever said) -

"No it's cool, isn't it Kar? He knows what to say if he really doesn't -"

And the noise Karkat made at that was actually a bit high pitched and nervous and he was looking at John, both of them blushing now, and Dave froze before looking back at John.

"Uh, I mean," he said, sitting up suddenly and putting his hands back in his lap. "Yeah, you're right."

Karkat completed his slump to the ground and curled up on his side, not looking at either of them.

"Dude," Dave said, "will you get the fuck up here? Come on man."

"Fuck you."

"Fine, whatever. Shit," the blond said, socked foot kicking ineffectively at Karkat's bare ones.

It was strange, John thought. It wasn't exactly how he'd imagined Karkat and Dave interacting. There was affection in the insults, though, and Karkat wasn't actually leaving, even if it was weird to have him just curled up over there.

"So, uh," John said, after a few moments of awkward silence watching Dave kick at Karkat's feet, "What do you wanna talk about?"

"Uh," Dave said, not really looking up. "I don't know, what do you wanna talk about?"

"Well, I guess we could talk about our friends, maybe? I mean, I've only seen Rose and Kanaya, in the car."

"Yeah? How was that?"

"It was good. Cool. You should've seen how Roxy just launched herself at Rose at the airport, man. That would be pretty crazy though, you know? To find out you had a twin sister all these years, especially when - you remember? Rose always thought she did, made up those stories?"

"Yeah, I remember."

Man, that foot was keeping time like a metronome. Kick, kick, kick.

"Yeah, Roxy was so many types of excited that she would actually get to meet her, too. We got to sit together on the plane ride, and she kept going on about it. Not in an annoying way, though. Roxy is a sweetheart."

"Yeah? I've heard she's awesome. I bet even Sollux will like her. Probably say she's the bee's knees or something."

"No he wouldn't you fucking grubsack," Karkat groused from the floor.

"Oh there you are, Karkitty. Going to get over your tantrum and join us at the big kids table? And by table I mean couch," Dave said.

"Fuck you, Strider, seriously. Go back to talking with John with your less-excrement-stained words already, but leave Sollux out of it."

"Fine, fine," Dave said, smiling then looking over at John. "We should get everyone together. I bet Dolorosa would let us have a party or something, man. You need to meet her anyways, she's really kickass."

"Your foster mother?" John said, watching as Karkat slowly rolled onto his back, crossing his arms behind his head as he watched them. "Yeah, I've heard she's pretty cool."

"She is. I don't really call her my foster mom, though. That'd be really weird," Dave said, ignoring Karkat' muffled snort from the floor. "She just really likes taking in lost kids I think, taking care of us. Her partner Redglare is pretty damn awesome too. Scary as fuck though. But she helped out with all the legal stuff after my Bro died, so that was cool."

"Oh, yeah." Ok so that was probably a shitty thing to say after his best friend had brought up his dead brother, but it was the only thing John knew how to say.

Awkward silence descended again, and oh look, the two other boys were playing footsie again. John felt weirdly overdressed with shoes on. "So, um," he said.

"Yeah."

"Uh, nice TV." Wow John, brilliant thing to say. Neither of the two gave him a dirty look for it though, for which he was grateful.

"Yeah man, I got all the latest video games on it too. And the old classics."

"Old classics, really?" John said.

"Yeah, like Mariokart. Hey, you wanna play?"

"Mariokart? Uh, sure. Though just as fair warning, you'll probably kick my ass the first few times. I mean, because it's been a few years since I played, though."

"That's fine," Dave said. "Karkat, wanna go set it up for us?"

Karkat snorted. "Fuck no," he said. "Do it your own damn self, lazy."

Look at that, Karkat was getting back up on the couch again.

"Fine, fine. But you know if I do it you'll be subjected to a view of my perfect man-rump," Dave said, going over to the television and leaning over to fiddle with the Nintendo. "Such an exquisite specimen of plushness, don't blame me if you can't help but want to hold it and squeeze it and love it forever and name it George."

Karkat snorted at that, and John just had to laugh as well. "Is he always like that?" he asked Karkat.

"Yeah, pretty much," Karkat said, though John noticed he was watching Dave anyways. "You learn to kinda tune most of it out. Just for sanity's sake."

John laughed again, watching Karkat as Dave fumbled around trying to find the game. "You're the one watching it."

Karkat shrugged, then glanced over. "You were watching it too, a moment ago."

"I was -" John said then stopped. Ok, maybe he had glanced over at Dave's ass. Only because it was moving, and because he'd been talking about it. Not because he actually wanted to watch it, or pass judgement on its perfection, of course. Then as Karkat held his gaze John wondered if the troll had seen how he was watching the two of them earlier. Wondered if the other had any idea about the thoughts that had passed through John's mind then. Fuck. Trolls didn't count, and Karkat was - this was confusing.

The spell was broken when Dave plopped down between the two of them. "Alright kids. Ready to get schooled?" he said, passing out controllers like they were candy.

"Yeah, let's do this," John said.

"We're doin it man. We're makin it happen," Dave joked, and John couldn't help but crack up.

It was a welcome distraction from all his unwelcome thoughts. Even if, as predicted, Dave did beat his ass pretty thoroughly over the next few hours.


	4. Ch 4: alone time at last - TG

(A/N: This chapter contains some smut near the end, involving male human parts as well as a male troll's bulge/nook)

It had been an exhausting couple of days. Dave opened the door of the apartment and noticed a little note from John. "Out with Jane for dinner and a movie - be back late!"

It made him smile. John was - well. His feelings for John were complicated. More complicated than he'd thought they would be, back before John came. That trainwreck of a first conversation - several trainwrecks, if he was honest about it - didn't make things any simpler, but at least John hadn't freaked out about it. And Karkat, well.

He missed Karkat. Nevermind that they were still here, sharing the same space. It was more that they hadn't actually been alone since John came and the presence of the third dude put up this weird wall between them. But if John was out now, and of course Sollux was out (because Sollux was always out, except for brief thirty minute gaps where he grabbed fresh shirts and underwear if he'd forgotten to wash some at Aradias). If he was in luck, Karkat would most definitely not be out. After the conversation he'd just had with Dirk, he needed some serious Karkat time.

And evidently luck was with him.

He heard faint music coming from under the troll's door, and knocked softly just to see what would happen. No answer. By that he assumed Karkat wanted him to come in, because let's face it, who would turn down Dave Strider's company? Not his best bro troll friend, that's for sure.

Not like they didn't just barge into each other's rooms anyways.

The music was coming out from under cheap headphones turned up way too loud on a troll in a black tshirt and jeans curled up in his bed facing the wall as he read some stupid textbook. Who reads a textbook? Seriously? Karkat, of course.

It could've been worse. Could've been a shitty troll romance novel.

Smiling, Dave snuck up behind the troll and put a hand on his side for warning before crawling in behind the other.

"What the - Strider? Fuck," Karkat said, yanking out his earbuds and glancing worriedly at the open door. "What are you thinking? John could -"

"John's out for the evening, douche," Dave said, ignoring the other's squawking complaints as he wrapped his arms around the other's smaller body. "You're warm," he murmured, nuzzling the other's neck.

"Yeah," Karkat said, calming down from the words and affectionate touch. "I'm always warm."

"What are you listening too anyways?" Dave asked, picking up one of the earbuds and putting it in. "Huh. And here I was hoping you'd be drowning in one of my sick beats, man. I'll have to tell Rose you're all up in her electric violin shit."

Snorting, Karkat reached up and pulled the headphones out of the jack before pressing play again. Haunting violin music filled the air.

Dave put up with it for a few moments, then groaned. "No, man no I can't. It's like having her here in the room with us, judging us. I can hear it in every slide of her bow, the little oh so polite condescending remarks. Turn on something else, please."

"Please? The great Dave Strider is saying please?" Karkat said, turning to look at him. It meant that Dave's fingers were able to push up one side of the troll's shirt and brush fingertips over his grubscars.

"Yes," Dave replied, smirking. "I'll say please again later if you pick some decent music."

The only thing hard to read about the look on Karkat's face was that there were so many emotions there. Overall the look said that he wasn't impressed with Dave's not-so-subtle come-on. Not yet, at least.

The way the troll moved as he reached up to fiddle with the music player was something that Dave could appreciate anyways, though. Soon the sounds were far more rock. The first song was even pretty damn familiar. "Hmm, from what I remember, you were the one saying please to that song," he murmured, moving forward to try and plant a kiss on Karkat's chest.

"Ugh, stop," Karkat said, pushing him back. "It's just on the same playlist, ok?"

His cheeks were tinged with pink, though, and he hadn't pushed him off the bed, so Dave knew he wasn't that pissed. Pissed enough to pull his shirt back down though.

"I want to talk, not fuck, bulge muncher," Karkat groused. "Well, first, anyways."

"Ugh, talk. You know that line is cliche as fuck, right? What, should I lie down for this? Is this going to be some sort of psudo-psychoanalyzing bullshit? Has listening to Rose got you all up in her headspace or something? I thought you were studying biology not psychology -"

"Shut the fuck up already, would you?" Karkat said, sitting up and hitting Dave in the shoulder.

"Shut up, talk, what the fuck do you want from me Vantas?"

"You're so fucking annoying, I swear. We barely have any time alone together since John's gotten here and you want to go straight to the sex?"

"Well, maybe? I mean, maybe first? It has been a while, after all -"

"Shit, really?" Karkat said, pulling his comforter into his lap. That was definitely going the opposite way of what Dave wanted right this instant. Less layers of cloth was always preferable. "I'm shocked you'd want my ass at all, anyways, considering that evidently neither you nor John motherfucking Egbert are fucking homosexual. Right? Isn't that what you said?"

Oh. Shit. Oh yeah. "Well technically I'm not, I mean -"

"Oh shut the fuck up you blithering poopchute, you know exactly what I meant, and your 'attracted to people not gender' or whatever doesn't get you a free pass for this because you fucking knew what he meant! To John motherfucking Strider, people probably come in two flavors, straight and 'normal', or not straight aka 'gay' and you fucking know that, you motherfucking cluckbeast!"

"Chicken. The word is chicken," Dave said, sitting up himself as he tried to salvage something out of this anger and guilt. Because yeah. He knew, of course he'd known. "Look," he tried to say, "He just up and asked me and I didn't know what to say. It just - it was the first thing that came out of my mouth, Karkat, fuck. I didn't expect him to, you know, just -"

"Just what, just come out and ask you, try to cut through all the blathering nonsense that was dribbling out of your lips? I mean you weren't exactly being subtle about it," Karkat spit out.

"Hey, I was trying to approach the subject gently, you know?"

"Bullshit," Karkat said, narrowing his eyes. "You were acting like you were fucking ashamed of who you are, who we are. I won't be your fucking dirty little secret, Strider. I won't play that fucking part. No at home has ever had an issue with who we are and I won't have starting out at this fucking university and changing all that just to act like some fucking coolkid. Coolkid, hah. Fuckboy, more like."

"Hey. Screw you," Dave said, angry now for real. "Fuckboy? Me? At least I'm not the one who up and fucking confessed to a guy while your boyfriend was right fucking there, Vantas."

Karkat was silent at that, looking away from him. Those words had scored a point, he knew. It didn't make him feel any better though. Just worse. They didn't really use the term boyfriend, always danced around it like it was something special to be used later. Well he had, now, and he wished he could take it back so it wouldn't be tainted with this moment from now until forever.

"It wasn't a confession," Karkat finally said.

He looked so - shit. So motherfucking pitiful right then. "Hey, hey," Dave said, reaching over to rub his fingers over the other boy's knee through the comforter. "Fuck, I know. I was just jealous."

Now all Karkat had to do was reassure him that there was no reason for him to be jealous, and things could all go back to normal. Dave could tell him how he'd talked with Dirk, how that had gone, that he'd even asked him for advice about talking to his friends about his sexuality. Everything would be fine.

Except that wasn't what Karkat said.

"Even if it had been a confession, it shouldn't matter," Karkat said, slow and tentative as one hand came out to tangle their fingers together as he looked down. "I mean, yeah we get rough sometimes, and I get angry with you, but I don't hate you. I can't really hate you, Dave. You're just too motherfucking pitiful. I know you too well."

Dave swallowed, tightening his fingers. "But, ugh. I mean I thought your spades was forever filled by past and future you?"

That got a little laugh at least. "Yeah. Though at the moment, that hate is fully platonic, let me tell you," Karkat said, glancing up at him.

"Do you really want to hate John?" Dave asked, watching as a helpless expression flitted across the other's face.

"No," Karkat whispered, looking away again. "No. It'd make things easier, but fuck. I mean, yeah. I don't really want to hate the idiot."

"But you like him," Dave forced out, feeling like he was just pushing his heart onto the blade of a super-shitty sword.

"Well, yeah. Technically."

"Is that why you don't want to -"

"What? Oh fuck no, you - Strider you are such a motherfucking idiot," Karkat said, before shoving the comforter away and pushing Dave back onto the bed before kissing him soundly.

"Oh, huh. Ok," Dave said, hands coming to rest on Karkat's ass just because it was handy.

"You, just, ugh," Karkat said, looking down at him. "I mean, you know Troll Romance is complicated. Besides, you like him too."

"What? I don- ok, well, shit since we're all going honesty hour here, maybe I do. A little."

"Hah! I knew it."

"Sheesh, Karkat, way to be a gracious winner here," Dave said, shifting under him to get more comfortable. "Does, uh. Does it bother you? Like, are you jealous?"

"Not exactly," Karkat said, tracing one blunt claw down the side of Dave's face. "I mean, I would be if you like, got together with him and went all monogamous and left me out in the cold like the matchstick girl or something, but I don't think you'd do that."

"Oh," Dave said, thinking a minute. "Hey, did you just simultaneously praise me for my loyalty and also insult me for thinking for a moment that you were going to dump me?"

"Nah," Karkat said, lips curling into a smirk. "I know you well enough that you wouldn't want to leave this 'choice piece of plump rump' on the table for someone else to steal away."

"Gah! Don't do that," Dave said, slapping said ass playfully.

"Sometimes people share, you know," Karkat said.

The words, coupled with the way the troll was looking at him, made blood start rushing south far too quickly for Dave's liking. "Share? Uh, that's like an extra helping of kinky squared there, Karkat."

"Yeah, well," Karkat said, cheeks flushing again, "Well maybe it is. And I wouldn't suggest it with just anyone."

"One big problem there, though. John is not -"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what he said when he was thirteen."

"Seemed pretty set on the subject the other night," Dave said, rubbing little circles with his fingertips, half interested in the conversation and half wanting to focus on what he had in his hands right fucking now.

"I'm not so sure about that," Karkat said. He was rocking his hips now, moving in response to Dave's hands in the most delicious of ways. "Wouldn't mind pushing to see for real, too. Seeing your pale skin next to that dusky tan he has. Watch him holding you back while I show him all your spots."

"Fuck," Dave said, moving a hand to unbutton his jeans and relieve the pressure on his cock before pulling their hips flush again. "That really what you want? What if he's standing over there in the doorway right now, hearing all the fucking dirty talk falling out of your mouth? What if he's over there going to come up behind you so we make a fucking Karkat sandwich? That what you want?"

There was a look of real alarm in Karkat's eyes as he glanced back to the empty doorway. "Strider? Man, what the fuck, don't fucking -"

Snorting Dave flipped them, making short work of the other's jeans and tossing them at the door to close it. "Relax, kitten. It's just fantasy. John won't be home for a while, we're safe."

"Fuck," Karkat said, pulling off his shirt and lobbing it at Dave's face. "You're such a dick sometimes, I swear."

"You want this dick," Dave replied, shimmying out of his own clothes and waggling his cock at Karkat.

"Psh, I don't know," Karkat said, looking to the side and feigning disinterest. "Maybe all this inanity has turned me off."

"I don't think so," Dave said, pushing the other boy's thighs apart and looking down at the bulge starting to thrash free from his nook. "Still look pretty interested to me."

"Yeah, well maybe I just want you to sit and spin on it, nooklover."

Dave licked his lips. "Not gonna argue with the last of that, at least. First part we'll see. Right now, though - Nook! It's what's for dinner!"

"Fuck, Strider!" Karkat said as Dave pushed face-first into Karkat's squishy bits for some seriously sloppy makeouts. "At least - you're fucking - doing something useful with your mouth for once," the troll gasped out, clawed hands coming down to pluck the shades away into safety before coming back down to play with his hair. Dave really really loved the feeling of Karkat's hands in his hair. Those claws could - and had - break skin, but right now all they were doing was moving him around to exactly where the troll wanted him.

Soon his face was sticky and wet, Karkat's bulge writhing above him. It was probably jealous. Dave sucked at the folds of Karkat's nook for a while, listening to the chirps and moans the other was trying to keep quiet even though there was no one else in the apartment. Someday, he wanted to really make the troll lose it, totally wreck him, record all those sounds and mix them into an oblivion where only he and Karkat knew what they were. Someday, someday.

He moved, worming a finger and then two into the other boy, amazed at the pulsing wet heat of his inner walls. The bulge's patience was rewarded with his mouth as he looked up at Karkat's face. He loved watching how his lover reacted to his mouth. His shoulders were flushed red with his blood color, pupils blown wide with want. He was pushing down on Dave's head now as the bulge twisted deeper into his mouth. One clawed hand suddenly moved up to turn up the volume on the music as another of their favorite songs came on, and Dave knew that the music just pushed Karkat all that much higher.

Dave pulled off the other's bulge and kissed his way up the flat planes of the other's chest. He had to take his hand out to hold himself up, and the frustrated little noise Karkat made as he did just made him that much harder. Finally he made it to the other's mouth and kissed him hard as the other's bulge wrapped around his cock, greedy and wet and hot and tight and fuck that was amazing. Karkat's hands were on his ass now, claws sinking in with that stinging bite of yes more please and Dave couldn't wait much longer.

"What do you want, Karkat," he said, moving his mouth from the other's to lave at an overly sensitive ear as one of his hands grasped a nubby little horn. "What are the rules today, how do you want it, fuck -"

"Fuck me," Karkat hissed out.

"Yeah, that's the idea, but - ahh," Dave moaned, cock complaining at the loss as Karkat's bulge started to uncurl.

"Fuck you spatterbrained idiot get your cock up in my fucking nook before I - ah - fuck!"

This, Dave thought as he thrust in deep, was pure heaven. If heaven was a furnace that rippled with every passing heartbeat. He opened eyes he hadn't even known he'd closed and stared down into Karkat's, loving the flush, the red that his lover was so often unwarrantedly ashamed of. To Dave, it was just beautiful.

"Like that?" Dave said, smiling at the amusement he saw in Karkat's eyes.

"Yes," Karkat said, legs wrapping around his waist. "Look at that. Dave Strider gets an A on finally following motherfucking directionssssss..."

Dave chuckled, thrusting in again and holding it, loving all the little microexpressions that were that much clearer without his shades. Karkat's hand was in his hair again, but just to brush it back before pulling him down for a kiss, slow and languorous as they moved together.

It wasn't outrageously mindblowing. Wasn't a fuck that would rate a triple dick on the pornvid scale. Just gentle and tender and intimate in a way they both liked. Sometimes at least. Sometimes they liked it hard and fast. Chocolate ice cream. Cherry Garcia. Vermonty Python even, sometimes, if things were really crazy. Maybe even Mission to Marzipan.

Vanilla was good, though, warm and rich and satisfying.

Dave moved a hand down between them, grasping the bulge that was flailing for its own version of attention, tangling it in his fingers. Karkat groaned into his mouth with that, nails scratched up his back and dug into his shoulderblades. The pain was sweet, sweet pleasure that just edged him on, made him tug at the bulge in his hand even though it wasn't really made for that. It slipped through his fingers and came back for more, though. It was good like that. Maybe he'd love it and squeeze it and name it George. Maybe he wouldn't tell Karkat, because Karkat would kick his ass out and finish on his own.

"What are you laughing at, Dave," Karkat muttered against his lips.

"Nothing, nothing."

"Good. Now move your ass. Faster."

Chuckling again Dave said, "Yes sir." Then he moved his ass.

The hand not on Karkat's bulge shifted to play with on of his horns again as their tongues thrashed together in a kiss where no one was fighting for dominance because they were both just fighting to taste more of each other. Sink deeper, get closer. He loved this. Loved all of this, the movement, the feel, the sound, the smell, loved Karkat -

"Fuck!" He hissed, head thrown back as the claws scratching all the way down his back tipped him over the edge and spilled him over into the vice-tight heat around his cock. He dropped his head back down and bit at Karkat's shoulder as he rode it out, trying to keep in that zone of sweetness as long as he could. The feeling of Karkat spasming around him in pleasure definitely helped. "Fuck, Karkat," he muttered again, moving to kiss the other deep.

"Yeah," Karkat murmured, nudging him to roll over so that they were lying on their sides.

Dave slid a hand down to the thigh draped over his hip, smiling as he nuzzled against his lover's nose, basking in the afterglow. There were kisses after good sex like this, if they had time. Kisses and cuddles and general happiness, until Karkat got uncomfortable and went to go get himself cleaned up. Dave thought about mentioning that John might have a bucket in his room to help, but for once he didn't want to ruin the mood.

Instead he just traced a heart on Karkat's thigh, watching as the other boy looked up at him, first in inquiry, then with a smile.

"Yeah, you too, idiot," the troll said, gentle and calm. "You too."

"Good," Dave said, feeling the peace settle deep in his bones. He had a lot of fucked up things in his life, a lot of them ones fucked up because of him, but this was good. This was right.

He planned on keeping it that way.

If Karkat was right, though - if there was a chance - and they could do it without fucking this up -

Well then shit. Maybe he could have his cake and eat it too.

Someday.


	5. Ch 5: YOU CAN GO HOME AGAIN - CG

Karkat pushed the door open and inhaled the scent of home. Cinnamon and vanilla. Definitely Redglare's touch, she liked cinnamon things for some reason. Terezi did too.

He wondered if she was home. Technically Terezi was supposed to be rooming with Kanaya at school, but he knew she liked being in familiar spaces. Really he was just thankful she'd agreed to start classes with them, after everything that had happened last spring. A familiar anger and pain rose in him and he pushed it away. People would be self-destructive if they wanted to. Couldn't save all of them. If he had to pick between saving Terezi and saving ihim/i - well -

It wasn't really that much of a contest.

He closed the door behind him and walked past the living room and down the hall, knocking on Terezi's door. No answer. Probably out with Vriska, which was a good thing. As much as anything with Vriska could be a good thing. It still boggled his mind that Vriska actually had a useful part to play in reality. Whoever was running things upstairs must have a weird sense of humor.

He smiled a little at that, then paused at the door to Dave's room. It would be bare, he knew. They'd packed everything up in case Dolorosa got the call that someone else needed fostering. She said that she was looking forward to empty nest time. She said that. However, they all knew she had this obsessive need to mother and fix all the broken children in the world, in her own way.

So he wouldn't linger in his best friend's - boyfriend's - old room. That wasn't why he was here.

Sighing, Karkat shoved his hands in his pockets and walked down the hall to the basement door. He was still a mass of confusion about everything with Dave and John. Would probably remain a mess unless he got some things good and straightened out. That's why he was here, for some good old chillin with the -

"Hey! What are you doing here!"

The mayor wasn't supposed to have company. He certainly wasn't supposed to have this company. Karkat was fully certain that high school girls with blue caps and fake blue kitty cat tails and claws were not company that the mayor needed to keep at one in the afternoon in the basement. Scratch that, at any time in the basement.

"Karkat! How furtunate for you to show up!" the girls said. She had chalk all over her jeans and hands, and was sitting next to a drawing some sort of new addition to can town on the concrete floor.

Oh good grief. Was she blushing? Oh she was. Fuck. Fucking lovesick high-schoolers. "Nepeta, why aren't you at school?"

"Felt bad this morning, purrr. Momma asked if I could spend the day over here, because she was going to have to be out. I'm feeling better now though! Almost purrfect!"

"Of course you are," he grunted, walking over and looking down at the drawing next to her. "What's that?"

"It's a romantic park where people can go and take long walks next to the river and play paintball and sometimes people will pounce on you in the woods! Doesn't that sound fun?"

"Uh, sure," Karkat said. "Mayor like it?"

"Yes! I'm going to ask Equius to come over and play once he's done with class."

"Ok, you have fun with that." Sheesh, Dolorosa would let just anyone come over nowadays. Karkat straightened up and looked around, admiring again that glory that was cantown. It had grown over the years from just one corner of the basement to encompass the whole place. Boxes for storage had been incorporated into rolling hills and walls, and neat chalked squares and designs covered just about every available surface.

He started walking the streets that had taken up so many long fun afternoons of play growing up, wondering if he should call out to the mayor. Probably not. He might be in the middle of some delicate negotiations with the townsfolk. Didn't want to disturb him in the middle of business. It was far easier to just -

A prickling sensation on the back of Karkat's neck made him slowly turn around. He was almost successful in suppressing the little inhale of shock that came when he saw the white-painted face in the shadows, staring at him.

Ok, that did it. This open-door policy was really too much. "What the hell you bulge-munching freak! Were you just going to stare at me? Why didn't you just - ok shit, I mean I know you won't say hi, but - fuck. We should get you a bell or something."

The other troll's face split into an eerie grin, and he raised a single finger to communicate his opinion of the idea.

"Ok fine, fuck, whatever. But what the fuck - why are you here? There's a fucking sixteen year old girl down here jackass! And you're all up and hiding in the shadows? What are you doing here anyways?"

A shrug and the fast flickering of fingers was his only answer.

"Fuck you, Kurloz. Seriously? You know I don't speak that kind of sign," Karkat growled, walking closer so he could see what the other was writing on the wall in white chalk. "Babysitting. What the fuck. You're babysitting?"

Kurloz nodded then turned back to the wall he'd been drawing on, ignoring Karkat now that he knew he was there. Whatever.

It did make a weird sort of sense, if he turned his head and squinted near enough. Kurloz was still close friends with Nepeta's sister, and he was so withdrawn nowadays that it was probably good for anything to get him out of his house. Everyone knew that wasn't a healthy environment. Hell, living with their dad had been unhealthy even before shit had started to go downhill last year.

Kurloz hadn't always been a mute. When they were younger he'd actually been a pretty good guy. Then came the accident, and things had gotten utterly fucked for Mituna, mainly fucked for Meulin, and hollowed Kurloz out into this weird creepy asshole who never talked. He could. There wasn't anything physically wrong with him. He was just - gone.

Karkat watched as the other troll used colors to depict some chaotically violent beautiful landscape on the wall. It hurt Karkat, inside. He shouldn't be so judgemental of Kurloz. Wasn't really. It was just if he had been around, really around, then maybe all the shit wouldn't've tumbled over onto -

The word Kurloz had written was rubbed out, and three more took it's place.

'I MISS HIM TOO.'

Karkat wanted to punch that wall. "Fuck him. He left us."

It wasn't the right thing to say. Karkat knew that immediately by the way the other troll seemed to draw into himself, even if just for a moment.

"Sorry," he muttered, casting about for a way to make up for it. "You still going to classes this fall with us? Part time, right?"

A slow wait, then a nod. Fuck it was creepy staring at the back of the other's head. He was tall like his brother, but skinnier. Hair wasn't quite as curly.

"Good," Karkat said. "Not taking any classes with my brother, are you?"

A puff of air at that, what might have been a laugh at one time. Chalk moved over the wall. 'MOTHERFUCKER BETTER HOPE NOT.'

Karkat had to grin at that. The way Kankri acted around Kurloz was - well - quieter. Sometimes. Karkat wasn't really sure what was going on there, but it sure was fun to watch sometimes. Creepy. Definately creepy. but amusing, if only because of how much his brother annoyed the fuck out of him on a regular basis.

All of a sudden he didn't mind having the other troll in the basement so much, even if he was painting pictures of clowns doing - was that paint? Ok shit, yeah, Kurloz was fucked up. But whatever.

There was a light bobbing down the rows of cans near them, and that meant that it was time to go catch up with the mayor. "See you."

Kurloz flipped him off again in reply. That was normal though. Didn't matter. A shiny black hand was waving hello at Karkat and everything was alright with the world.

The mayor got him. They could sit around in the little corner of the room with actual cushions and a table, the part the Dolorosa had dubbed the 'Mayor's Office.' It was also what served as his bedroom even though there was a perfectly good room upstairs set aside for that purpose. This, however, was the mayor's real territory, where he felt safe and comfortable.

In the office they could curl up on cushions and drink Tab, chat away with or without words. Karkat could pour out his feelings and the mayor would pat him gently, and he got it. Didn't have to talk, or explain. He just knew.

"So, John came into town like he was supposed to," Karkat said once they were settled. "How is he? Uh, he's good. Yes, good..."

The mayor shrugged a hand in question.

"Yeah, uh. He's - well ok he's not nice. Sometimes. He's uh, attractive I guess?"

Two black hands wiggled together.

"What? No, not like a girl. No he's not a girl either. Why would you think girls are attractive? You don't like girls. Well, I mean - do you? You know you can tell me if you do."

A hand slid side to side in negation, then hesitated, then continued.

"Ok, yeah, I didn't think so. I mean yes, I get it, you don't dislike them as people, but -"

Fingers formed into the shape of fangs.

"Well yeah of course you don't like Vriska. She's evil."

The mayor nodded.

"But no, not like a girl. He's, uh -"

A fist curled up, moving in question.

"Yeah, well I mean he is strong. Look, just - ugh, fuck. Just let me tell you, ok?"

The mayor nodded and pulled Karkat close so he could lean back against the hardened chest. Cool fingers papped at his forehead. This was nice.

"He's a dick though. I mean - shush - ok yes, he has a dick. But I mean, he's just - ugh. It's not like I thought it would be."

He frowned, settling in closer as he thought. "I mean, I get it that not everything is like a romance novel. So it's not like I expected him to come in, find out me and Dave were boyfriends, and be all happy and supportive of us. What? Oh yeah, I didn't tell you that. Yeah, dickhead called me his boyfriend last night." Karkat smiled. "Drew a heart on my leg too, the sappy fuck. It was in the middle of a fight, kinda. The boyfriend part I mean. Fight over what? Oh. Uh, John."

Karkat sighed, silent a few moments as the mayor rubbed his temples. "Thanks. Yeah. So, yeah, Dave knows how I feel about John. Likes him too. I mean, it's all just stupid attraction on both of our parts, you know? Not like, 'Oh John I'm in love with you' or anything like that. He's just an asshole. And attractive, yeah, but I don't' know - I don't really trust him yet? Maybe because we haven't known each other long enough. What? Hate him? No, he's too pitiful for that. I think."

Karkat let that idea swirl around in his brain again. John had been watching him, that first night, he was sure of it. Had watched him the next morning when Karkat had stumbled out of the shower with a towel strapped around his waist before getting coffee. It made him wonder if it was going to be a big deal walking around without a shirt on from now on. Annoying.

And then there was the time when he'd been sitting at the couch watching a movie. John had walked by behind him and run his fingers through his hair, brushing up against his horns. Karkat had turned to try and catch the hand with his claws but John had been on the other side of the room by then, laughing.

He didn't know what to think.

Didn't know it was better or worse than watching John catch Dave in a grip and give him a noogie, which led to wrestling until John cried uncle from laughing too much. He thought back to the first night when Dave had been tickling him and had mentioned that he knew how to get him to stop. It was only later that Karkat had realized that crying uncle was a thing that people did when tickled, and that John wouldn't automatically have known that they had safewords.

Definitely wouldn't know why they had safewords.

Though the thought of John holding him down and tickling him - touching him - until he had to either give into it or use his safeword - fuck.

"Maybe I do want to hate him," Karkat mused, unsure even though he'd denied it to Dave. Except he and Dave did edgy stuff too, sometimes. Fuck. "Humans make romance weird."

The mayor hugged him close and papped his hair, making soothing little clicks. He was safe here, able to look out on can town and all of their happy little subjects, able to watch two impudent beings in different corners of the world make little changes and additions that would make the whole place more interesting. This was safe and comfortable. Sometimes he wished he'd never had to grow up.

Right now, though, he didn't have to. He could just chill here with the mayor, talk with him about what was going on in the town. Dolorosa would come home and fix dinner. Redglare would come home later and eat with them, ask him about when classes were going to start and if he was ready with everything. Dolorosa would remind him that home was always just one bus ride away - well, two with transfers, but he knew what she meant. For the moment he didn't have to think about stupid boys with shades that made his heart melt with pity, or other stupid boys with glasses who made him all different shades of confused. He could just breathe, here.

He could just be.


	6. Ch 6: i dream of casey - EB

Monday had been the first day of class, and John thought it had gone great. Sure it sucked having to get up for an 8:00 AM class every day of the week, but biology was fascinating. Plus Dave and Jade were in the class with him, as well as this sophomore that was related to Jade and looked almost exactly like him. Shorter and wider, but the same kind of glasses. He liked movies, too. John had a feeling that Jake was going to be a great friend.

He'd hung out with Dave after class for a while, then Jade when Dave had to go to his second class of the day. By lunch Rose had joined in too and the four of them were hanging out together, laughing and joking back and forth like they had when they were kids. Some of the trolls had joined them. John got to meet Vriska in real life for the first time, and Terezi too.

Troll girls were amazing. Well, girls in general were amazing.

But being surrounded by all these trolls -

He wasn't used to it, he had to admit. Had probably been a bit sheltered growing up. Trolls didn't seem to like to live in his neighborhood. Sure, he'd known one or two at school, but they didn't stay long for some reason. His dad said they were probably happier living closer to their own people. Human and Alterian culture was very different, after all.

John knew this.

He'd read up on it extensively.

Well, as much as he could, because trolls didn't seem to get that there were limits to some things. Lines that shouldn't be crossed, not really. It wasn't natural.

Though what was natural for humans was evidently not natural for trolls. It weirded him out sometimes. Might have possibly fascinated him a bit as well.

He knew troll anatomy - he had the internet, after all - but seeing them here, living and breathing and moving -

He wanted to touch.

It wasn't right, not really. He knew that, as he lay back on his bed, morning light streaming in through the windows. He had class with Karkat first thing this morning. They'd made plans to walk to class together. Dave didn't have class until one, the dick. John didn't really mind.

Karkat was fascinating. Really easy to tease. John had to stop himself from pushing too hard to get a rise out of the troll. It had always been that way, now that he thought about it - it was always just too damn funny to see the grey wall of obscene text scroll by from just a bit of poking and prodding. The way he'd reacted when John touched his horns had been hillarious.

Not that he'd meant to rub Karkat's horns. Not really. He knew that they were supposed to be an erogenous zone. He'd just wanted to feel what that black hair was like between his fingers, if it was soft like human hair or more course like the bristles of a paintbrush. It was definitely the former.

But all of that was just scientific inquiry, right? Because he was going to be a scientist. Get a dual major in Terran and Alternian Biology, go on to do great things for the world. Even though their two cultures had been in contact for a few decades now there were still so many things to discover. He needed to be an expert on troll anatomy if he wanted to succeed, right?

And human too, he supposed, but there were some bangin girl on campus. He could think that, right? In the silence of his own brain. No one would know. Maybe Rose, but she liked girls too, so she'd get it. Girls were hot. Roxy was hot. There was just something about blondes -

The image of a certain blond stepping out of the shower with his shades on made John freeze up, rewind the tape, and hit pause. He was fairly certain that wasn't how bros thought about other bros, though he was completely sure he didn't want to ask the local expert for advice on the subject. Crap. Even for scientific research there was no need to go there. He had a male body, he didn't need to be exploring someone else.

Crap. Ok, switch the tape, yeah, ok. Karkat getting out of the shower. That was better. The differences in troll anatomy were so fascinating. The lack of belly button and nipples. The grubscars. He really wanted to know what they felt like. Wanted to know if their chest was sensitive even without nipples. The image of Dave's fingers tracing against Karkat's bare belly came back to him and his breath hitched.

A fist banging against his door snapped him out of that train of thought.

"Hey dickwad, if you aren't up and ready to go out the door in five minutes I'm leaving without you."

John grinned. Angry, shouty Karkat was the best. Even better in person, where he got to see all the troll's crazy expressions.

He was already showered and dressed, just had to zip up his pants and get his shoes on before grabbing his backpack. Karkat was writing some sort of message for Dave on the whiteboard beside the door. A reminder that they needed more apple juice or something. They really were close.

"Ready?" John asked.

Karkat just grunted and put the cap on the marker before opening the door, bag slung over his shoulder. He wasn't much of a conversationalist in the morning.

They padded down the stairs and out the front door of their building, climbing the hill that took them to the main part of campus. The fall air was warmer than he was used to at this time of year. It was almost as green, though.

After a while, John cast about for a subject to strike up conversation. "You have fun Sunday night? Dave mentioned you were hanging out at your mom's place."

Karkat shot him a look. "She's not my mom. Dave called her my mom?"

"Uh, well no, now that I think about it. He just said home. Sorry. What do you call her?"

Karkat shrugged, kicking a rock that had landed in the middle of the sidewalk. "She's just my guardian. Well, both of them are."

"Oh yeah, she's uh, in one of those domestic partnerships? With Terezi's mom, right? Or are they, uh, married?"

It still seemed so weird, that it was legal for people to do that now. Then again they were trolls, so that made it a little less weird. And girls, which was edging on hot. Hot moms. Heh.

"No, not yet," Karkat said, tugging his bag up on his shoulder. "Porrim keeps pushing at them to do it, but I'm not sure that Dolorosa wants to. I think Redglare likes the legal benefits but not enough to push. Not like it makes a real difference either way."

"Yeah, I guess," John said. Legal benefits, huh. Well, he guessed if people chose to live their life that way, it was only fair. Live and let live and all. Whatever made them happy.

He didn't know what to say after that, though. He had a feeling if he shared his opinion on the matter it might piss Karkat off. Much as he didn't mind a pissed off Karkat, this time it didn't sit right with him. So he just walked on until Karkat broke the silence.

"It was good. I got to see the mayor."

"Oh yeah? Cantown? Is it real? How is the mayor?"

John had always liked the mayor, back when they all played together. He wasn't on very often, and he hadn't liked getting in on any of the action, but he was a pretty chill guy. Though why he called himself the mayor instead of a normal name, John didn't know.

"He's good. And yeah, Cantown is real. It's amazing," Karkat said.

It was interesting, the way Karkat's voice changed when he talked about his home. There was a warmth there that made John happy. It reminded him of the way he felt when he thought of home. "I'd love to see it sometime."

"You should!" Karkat said, glancing over at him. He paused a moment, then shrugged. "Hell, why not. People are always hanging out at our house. Just don't knock any of the cans off. Rose got drunk and played Godzilla one time and Kanaya had to hold me back."

"Rose? Drunk?" John asked. Rose was the last person he would've expected to get drunk and act wild and crazy.

"Yeah, well, she had a phase," Karkat said, cringing. "She and Terezi both, though Terezi had the worse end of it. Then Vriska came back from her semester abroad and kicked all of our asses back into shape. Crazy bitch."

There was a vague note of appreciation in the insult that took the edge off of it. It was interesting, learning about his old and new friends. "I never knew," John said, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "We kinda stopped talking much the past few years. Well, I still kept in touch with Jade of course, and I'd talk to Dave and Rose once in a while, but she didn't mention anything. It wasn't until I decided to come to school here that we really, you know, started talking again."

"I know," Karkat said, looking over at him like he was an idiot.

"Oh. Yeah. Of course. You were here."

It was strange to think about that. He still had to remind himself that not only were all these people real (well he knew they were real, doh) but that they had lives together outside of him, outside of the internet. He knew it, of course, but it still kept coming up and surprising him.

"He missed you, you know," Karkat said, an edge of accusation in his voice.

John flushed, looking down. He knew. He had always known. He'd missed Dave too, in a deep way that he didn't like to think about that hadn't reared up until he'd actually seen the guy standing there behind the couch next to Karkat, all grown up and yet still the same big dork he'd always been.

Things just got so weird after Dave's bro died. John hadn't even known what had happened for weeks, had gone frantic trying to find out what had happened to his best friend. Jade and Rose hadn't known anything either. Then Rose's mom finally made some calls and shared the news with them, and all John had wanted to do was fly down there and be with Dave but of course he couldn't do anything. And when Dave did get on line it was so awkward, he was so quiet and didn't want to talk about Bro at all. Then when he let on he was living down the hall from one of their biggest enemies, and had learned he was a real troll -

John glanced over at Karkat, who was climbing the steps up to their class building and opening the door. Enemy was probably too harsh of a term. Rival maybe. Leader of the opposing guild. Kid who'd thrown the most glorious shitfit ever after someone had slipped them the password to the guild's website and they'd replaced all the graphics with Carebears.

Yeah, John thought with a grin, that was one for the ages.

"What are you smiling about, dumbass?" Karkat said, scowl on his face.

"Nothing," John said, reaching out to hold the door open as they went inside. He wanted to tell him. He really did. But right before class was probably not the optimum time to provoke a reprise of that incredible atomically inspired meltdown.

...

Their first class had been really interesting. John was excited to be learning about Alternian biology, and couldn't wait to see how it was different to that of Earth. Their second class was a survey history course, which was boring subject matter but awesome because just about everyone he knew was in the class. Even Roxy! He got to sit next to her and catch up on what they had missed in the few days since he saw her. Even got her number.

Aw yeah. Egbert got the digits. Score!

She was so cute, too. Like Tricia from Con-Air. He'd had a daydream about her during the lecture where he was the muscular hero coming back a dangerous mission to meet his long-lost wife Roxy and their cute little daughter Casey. He bet Roxy would have really cute kids. Not that he wanted to marry her or anything, but she was really adorable, so sweet and bubbly, and he was pretty sure she liked him.

Lunch had been cool too. Karkat had joined them, sitting between him and Dave. Rose and Kanaya were off in their own little world to one side, and Jade had invited Jake to come talk. Some thing about how things were awkward between him and the blond guy with anime shades that was eating with Roxy and a chick who looked like businesswoman Jade. John hadn't caught it all, had just enjoyed relaxing with his friends until Dave had to leave for class.

The girls had some free time and wanted to go shopping or whatever, and Jake had to get to work. That left John and Karkat with an hour and a half to kill. Alone.

"You want to come to the music hall with me?" John asked.

Karkat was fidgety, rubbing at his thigh. He shrugged. "Yeah, sure."

They walked out of the dining hall and across the quad. John hadn't expected Karkat to be this quiet in person. He'd always been so loud online. Being with him was easy, though.

John wondered what he and Dave had been murmuring about at lunch. He'd been too distracted talking with Jake about classic movies to really notice.

"Hey," John asked suddenly, "What's the deal between Jake and that other dude? The blond with the pointy shades?"

"What? Oh, Dirk, Dave's cousin?"

"Dave has a cousin?"

"Heh. Yeah. Surprise, surprise. Going to school in the same town as us all last year and we didn't even know he existed until we came up to register. Uh, I think they broke up last spring or something."

"Dave has a cousin," John repeated to himself, then caught the last line. "Wait, what, who broke up. Jake and Dirk?"

"Uh, yeah."

"They were dating?"

Karkat shot him a look. "Yeah, that's generally a prerequisite to a breakup, or so I've heard."

"Uh, wait - Jake's gay?"

"What the -" Karkat said, glancing around to see if anyone was close to them. "What the fuck, Egbert. Would you pull your blistering thinkpan out of your waste chute for a second? Fuck, you're such an idiot. Yes - well - ok so I can't really identify Jake like that, but I know Dirk is, and yes they dated and yes they probably did the horizontal mumbo jumbo or whatever the fuck you're thinking and yes they broke up. So get over it. Fuck."

"Huh," was all John could manage in reply. Jake didn't look gay. He stopped himself from saying that outloud, not sure how Karkat would react. That other guy - well, he had kinda looked like Dave, hadn't he? Except, well, pointier. But really neither of them matched up with what he's thought - huh.

They walked in through the glass doors of the building while he was thinking, Karkat stomping off a bit in front of him then pausing because he wasn't sure where they were going. John chuckled and lead them down the hall to the practice room with the baby grand, setting down his backpack on the cabinet next to the door.

"So what happened?" he finally asked.

Karkat was looking all around at the music charts on the walls as he set his bag down. He turned, and shrugged. "Depends on which story you believe. Some people say Jake broke it off for some reason, other people say Jake got drunk at a party and cheated on Dirk with a girl. Meulin told us all about it over dinner one night. Guess the only ones who really know are them, though."

"Huh," John said. Wow, his vocabulary amazing this afternoon.

"And listen, fucker," Karkat said, stalking over to him, "don't pull any of your homophobic bullshit on them either, you hear? That's the last thing Jake needs."

"What?" John said, backing up from the angry little troll. "I'm not a -"

"You're an insensitive little prick sometimes is what you are," Karkat said, clawed fingertip pressing into John's chest.

He was so shocked at the other's outburst that he wasn't sure how to be angry at the insult. He took a moment to be awed that he'd allowed Karkat to push him back against the wall. Maybe it was because Karkat looked so good like this, glaring up at him like this was personal. Karkat had always been protective, though. It shouldn't've been a surprise.

"I'm sorry, man. Look, I don't know what I did, but - uh - yeah. I won't let it - I mean, it's not a big deal."

Karkat let out the breath he was holding and curled his hand up into a fist, shaking for a moment before knocking the flat of it against John's chest and walking away. "Fucking Egbert," he muttered.

John was at a loss for words. He watched Karkat stalk back and forth like a caged animal, slowly cooling himself down. Rubbing his chest where the troll had hit him, John finally decided to just walk go over to the piano and start to play, because he didn't know what to say that wouldn't make things worse.

Evidently, though, music really could calm the savage beast. John was just fiddling on the keys, not really playing a song, just pulling bits and pieces together from things he'd been working on. Karkat came closer, staring down into depths of the piano, clawed fingers curled around the edge of the ebony frame.

"What's that?" he finally said, voice calmer now.

"Nothing really," John murmured, glancing up at the troll. He looked a little miserable. Probably because he really had lost his temper. Poor baby.

Ducking his head John smiled, musing on how he was pitying the troll that had just up and blown up in his face for no reason.

Well, no, he corrected himself. Karkat had a reason. John wasn't quite sure exactly what he'd done to set him off, but he wanted to figure it out.

Not that he minded an angry Karkat, of course - but he'd rather be the one to control the explosions, rather than be left with a lingering taste of guilt. They were friends, after all. He didn't want to hurt him.

Well, not unless -

That thought made him trip up on the keys and he chuckled, scooting to one side of the bench in case Karkat wanted to sit down. It took a few more minutes of playing before the troll accepted his invitation. Grudgingly, hunched over with his back towards John's side, but his head was turned to watch the fingers flying over the keys. It made John smile.

"I could teach you, if you want."

Karkat grunted noncommittally, tilting his head. That was progress at least.

"See, this here is Middle C. You put your thumb there, and then the other fingers go here, on D, E, F, and G."

The troll slowly turned his body towards the piano, hands in his lap. Their legs were pushed together. Had been pushed together at lunch, too, but it was different somehow.

"Why do they start at C? Why not A?" Karkat asked.

"Huh, uh, I don't know. I mean, you could start at A. A's down here, and B's here, but the key of C is the one where you mainly use the white keys and don't have to worry about the black ones."

"Weird," Karkat murmured. "Humans are weird."

John chuckled. "Do you want to try?"

Karkat shook his head. "Nah, it's alright," he said. "You can keep explaining though."

"Ok."

John dropped his left hand down and ran the fingers of his right up and down the keys, murmuring explanations the whole time. He made a few runs, talking about how fingering changed, before demonstrating some of the other keys. Karkat seemed fascinated.

Finally John said, "Ok, that's most of the basics. I'd be more than happy to teach you though. You seem to like it."

Karkat turned and looked up at him. "Yeah, maybe," he said. Had his lips been that red before? John couldn't remember. It just felt like there was a bubble around them and the world was outside and here there was just Karkat. Warm. Smelling like something he didn't know. He wondered if he tasted like -

"Shit," Karkat muttered as an alarm went off in his pants. His phone. Of course. Oh ok. Oh wow that had been a, uh -

"I've got to go," the troll said, getting up abruptly and heading towards the door. "Fuck."

John watched as Karkat turned around and grabbed his duffel bag from the counter. It made him chuckle. "Alright. Uh, I'll see you tonight?"

"Yeah. I mean, I think. Probably," Karkat said, turning around just before he existed, hand shifting on the doorknob in its grasp. "Oh, and thanks. I might like to learn, yeah. I'll, uh, I'll see you at dinner."

Then he was gone.

John had to laugh at that. Softly, so the sound wouldn't carry out into the hall while the door was still closing. He rubbed his side, cold all of a sudden.

Huh. What had that been.

Then his own phone went off, and he discovered that the delightful Miss Roxy had sent him a text message. Man, she was sweet. Maybe he should ask her out on a date.


	7. Ch 7: all i wanna do is play games - TG

Dave was playing a video game on the futon when Karkat got out of the shower later that day. The troll came in and plopped down beside him, toweling his hair dry.

Glancing over at him Dave said, "You should've let me come in with you. Save water."

Karkat just grunted and pushed at his shoulder, staring at some book he'd brought in with him. He'd been quiet all afternoon. Thoughtfully quiet. They both had poetry as the last class of the day, Dave because he was all about rhythm and poetry, Karkat because poetry was romantic or something. It was the only class they had together, which was one of the biggest changes in their lives since high school. On the plus side, Dave thought his classes were going to be pretty interesting. On the minus -

He nudged the other. For a moment it seemed like Karkat was ignoring him for his book, then he looked back at the door before leaning on Dave's shoulder.

Dave kept killing zombies, trying to figure out if this was a comfortable silence or something he should break. He finally decided that if he was that worried about it he should do something about it, and said, "You doin alright over there, little buddy?"

Karkat snorted. "Fuck you Strider. How many times have I told you not to call me that? I'm - I'm fine."

The troll always did have a great reaction to the nickname, which was one reason why Dave used it. It also helped him to gauge the Karkat-o-meter. Not sad, not angry, not morose and self-hating (well any more than usual). Just thoughtful. Distracted, a little more hesitant than usual. Given enough time and silence he'd probably spill the beans.

Right about -

"Ok well since you're so fucking nosy - shit. Uh. He offered to teach me to play the piano."

"Uh huh," Dave said as he glanced over, pretty damn sure he knew who Karkat was referring to, and sure there was more to the story than this.

"We uh - we hung out in one of the practice rooms at the music building after lunch. While you were in class, I mean."

"Really," Dave said, feeling a slight twinge of jealousy and working to make sure it didn't show. "The soundproofed ones?"

"What? I don't know. Are they soundproofed? Sure, I guess."

"Huh. Any sloppy interspecies makeouts go on in that soundproofed practice room?" Dave asked. He set down the controller - the stupid game had glitched up again, like usual. He could reset it later.

"What? No," Karkat said, scowling.

"Not yet?"

"Not - fuck. He's such a dick."

"Aww, Karkat, I'm hurt. I thought I was the dick."

That earned him another punch to the arm, though Karkat was still too distracted with thinking to put any force behind it. "You are a dick. You're both dicks."

"Yeah, and Karkat wants all the dicks," Dave teased, waggling his eyebrows.

"Dave! Fuck, you're such a bulge sucking -" Karkat said, crossing his arms and turning his back as he continued to mumble. "Make me sound like a - you know very well that you -"

"Hey, hey now," Dave said, sliding his arms around the other and pulling him over into his lap. It wasn't hard. Karkat wasn't fighting him, not yet. Instead he just allowed Dave to hug him close and nuzzle the side of his neck. The troll's hair was still wet, and he smelled like strawberries. That always made Dave smile.

"You're two different kinds of dicks," Karkat finally said.

"Yeah, let's make a graphic presentation listing the differences between my dick and John's dick. We can have spreadsheets, statistical representations. Have to do some hard scientific research there buddy, sure you're up for it? We're talkin lab coats, all nighters, maybe have to get some stethoscopes involved somehow just for kicks."

"Ugh. I didn't start talking to you so we could discuss your medical - whatever it is," Karkat said, pushing at him and trying to wiggle out of his lap.

Dave just grinned and held him tighter. "Hey, if you wanna play nurse I'm in."

"I will bite you so hard if you even try to pull that crossdressing crap on me -"

"Kinky, but you know there are male nurses -"

"Kinky?" said a voice from behind them. "What'th kinky?"

Dave let Karkat go as they simultaneously jumped away from each other on the futon. They turned around to look at the door.

"'Sup Sollux," Dave said as he watched the troll shuffle in, seeing John behind him. "Egdork."

John rolled his eyes at that.

"You didn't anthwer my quethtion. What'th kinky?"

Dave pondered for a second. "Two nooks, one bulge?"

"Oh," Sollux said, "Wouldn't know. Thoundth interethting, though. Except two bulgeth are alwayth better, eheh."

Karkat was hiding his face in his hands.

"Yeah, yeah, brag brag brag," Dave said.

"Damn thtraight." The troll dropped his bag down on the counter next to the door and came over to sit in one of the chairs next to the futon. "Thaw Egbert on the way over and and we dethided to grab coffee and catch up."

John nodded, sitting down in the other chair closer to Karkat. Dave wondered what all the two had heard - or seen - before Sollux had spoken up.

"That's cool man, yeah," Dave said, looking over at John. "Good day at class?"

Karkat was nose deep in his book again, acting like he wanted to ignore all of them.

"Yeah," John said, glancing from Karkat to Dave, seeming to snap out of whatever funk he'd been in. "Yeah, it was great. I really like the piano instructor, he was talking about maybe having me play in an ensemble once in a while. Really knows what he's doing, too."

"Great," Dave said, looking back at Sollux. "You man? This is the first time I've seen you in days, since we don't have any classes together. I'm surprised Aradia let you out."

Sollux laughs at that, bi-colored shades flashing. "Yeth, well, her mother ith in town. You know how well that goeth."

"Huh?" John asked.

"Aradiath mom is this big-time movie thar," Sollux said. "Well, kinda a thar. The'th like the number one actreth to play evil athian villianetheth there ith. Ith all really ethploitative, of courth, but it payth the billth pretty well tho thhe doethen't care."

"Huh," John said, frowning a moment. "Wait, Aradia's name is Megido, right - woah wait. You mean her mom is that Megido?"

"Damn thraight," Sollux said. "And I got hearts with the younger, hotter verthion."

His eyebrows wiggled in the way that always made Dave cringe a little inside. Maybe he was just glad he didn't have to hear the nitty-gritty details of their relationship. Karkat should have said something by now, but it looked like he was still firmly committed to whatever was in that book. Some Alterian romance novel, by the look of it. The title filled up the spine of the book.

"Bethideth," Sollux continued. "I've been meaning to talk to you, Thrider."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Wanted to athk you about your couthin Dirk."

So that was out of left field. "What?"

"Yeah, I have a couple of clatheth with him, and I figured out he'th the one thath been trying to hack into my dad'th therver."

"Don't people try to do that, like, all the time?"

"Well yeth, of couth, Dave. But he'th actually getting to my level of thecurithy. And then I found out he'th in my computing clatheth, and he'th pretty hot. Athhole, but that's alright. I can deal with that. If you know what I mean, eheh."

That was evidently enough to get Karkat's attention. "Are you seriously hatecrushing on Dave's cousin? Is that what I'm hearing? That's a thing that is happening here?"

"Woah wait," John said. "I thought you just said you were with -"

"Theth, guys. Let me get a word in edgewithe why don't you. Yeth, Karkat, I'm entertaining the pothibility of black feeligth for the Thrider. Why not? Evidently Thriderth are good with a pail."

Oh, that got a reaction out of Karkat - and made Dave wonder exactly how much information the trolls had exchanged.

"Thecond, John - yeah, I'm in heartth with Aradia, but my thpade is wide open. Tho what if humanth are a little ethotic. It obviouthly workth for thome trollth."

Hopefully John was dense enough to miss the not-so-subtle hints Sollux was throwing out. For the moment, it seemed he was far too preoccupied with his own thought process to notice.

"Huh," John said. "But Aradia's a girl, right?"

"Oh of all the -" Karkat said, book falling to the floor. "Nope. nope. We are not having this again. Sollux is bi, John. He likes both boys and girls. Isn't it obvious? I mean look at him. It's Sollux. Two of everything. In what shitstain of a universe would Sollux not be bi?"

John leaned forward, propping an elbow on one knee and resting his head in his palm, looking all thoughtful-like. "Huh," he says finally. "I always thought that was a myth."

"What the nook-loving fuck? Is this fucking educate Mister John Shitbrain Egbert in Sexuality 101 day or something? Did I not get invited to the memo?"

"Chill, Vantas," John said, holding up a hand in surrender. "It's just new, is all."

Karkat huffed, barely containing his seething rage. Dave's gaze flicked from the troll to the human and back again, wondering for a moment if John was acting all ignorant just to get a rise out of the other boy. That would be -

Interesting.

"So, what I want to know is," John continued. "If Dirk is gay, and Sollux is bi, and well, I know all about what it means to be straight, but what I want to know, is - what are you?"

He was looking straight at Karkat. Karkat was growing redder by the minute. It was a good thing he dropped that book or it would probably be ripped to shreds by now, mangled by the claw-laced fists by Karkat's side.

"That's none of your motherfucking business, nooklover."

"Aww come on, Karkat," Sollux said, grinning. "It thoundth like you've been outing everytone elth today."

"Like either of you keep your sexuality a motherfucking secret! Please! Who hasn't had to listen to a girl go on and on about how sad it is that the hot dude with the anime shades totally isn't into her because he only likes dicks and plush rumps? Huh? I mean, I've barely known the guy existed for a few mothergrubbing weeks and I won't even start in on the horrific fucking crying jags I've had to endure! And you! You, just - right now -"

"It's just a question, Karkat," John said, interrupting the rant. "I mean, you don't have to answer if you don't want. Didn't know it was a state secret."

Karkat whirled around and looked at him. He was standing by this point, romance novel gone - probably kicked into the undercouch, that seething black hole ruled by missing underwear, remotes, and unnecessary plastic objects.

"You want - fuck. You know what I am?" Karkat said, glaring down at him. "I'm sick and tired of your motherfucking bullshit, Fuckbert. That overbaked, underseasoned grubloaf of a brain you have is acting up worse than ever today and if I have to spend another minute in your fucking company it's going to infect me too so Good. Fucking. Night."

Then he was gone, kicking at John's chair as he went around and walked into his room, slamming the door behind him.

"Wow," Dave said.

"Yeah, really," Sollux said. "Lookth like you made the crab pack up all hith toyth and go home, Egbert. Thatth got to be a record."

John laughed and scratched his head. "I didn't actually mean to get him to leave."

"Of courth not. How are you going to hatemanthe him if he'th not here?"

"Hatemance?" John asked, blanching. "No way, dude, you got the wrong guy. I'm just teasing him!"

"Bullthit," Sollux replied, then shrugged. "But whatever getth you to thleep a night, I gueth."

"No, man, you got it all wrong," John said. "I mean, that might work for trolls and all, but it's probably just an interspecies mixup. Right Dave? I mean Dave teases Karkat all the time."

"Uh," Dave said, torn between Sollux's all-knowing look and John's blessed ignorance. "Right."

The troll laughed. "Right. He thore does," he said, before frowning and checking his phone. "Oh thit. Fucking Eridan."

"Buggin Fefe again?" Dave said. "Maybe you should pick him up as your kismesis, distract him from being a jerk."

"Tried. My hate'th too platonic."

"Too bad."

"Yeah. Well hey, lithen, kidth, it'th been fun and all, but I gotta jet. Good luck figuring out your mithed feelingth, Egbert."

"Whatever," John said. "See ya."

"Later, Sol," Dave said, waving a hand as he picked his controller back up.

John watched the troll go out the door then said, "Wow. Trolls, man. After that I need somethin to drink. Do you want anything?" He stood and went into the kitchen.

"Apple juice, maybe," Dave said, resetting the game and starting over from his save point.

"Sure thing."

John tossed a bottle of apple juice down on the couch next to Dave then plopped down, shaking his head. "You lived surrounded by these guys for the past few years?"

"Yeah," Dave said, not really sure where John was going with that. Sure, he'd been the only human in a troll household, in a neighborhood full of trolls, but he didn't see why it was a big deal. They'd never acted like it was a big deal. "They're good people."

"I guess so, just - different," John answered, staring at his soda. Then he shrugged. "Hey, guess what happened today?"

Evidently not interspecies makeouts. "What?" Dave asked.

"I got Roxy's number - you know Rose's sister?"

"Yeah, I know who Roxy is, dude."

"I'm thinking about asking her out this Friday or something. Maybe coffee first would be better? I don't know. She's a real sweetheart. Seems to like me."

"Huh," Dave said. Man, the zombies were eating him up today. Stupid game. "Gonna ride off into the sunset with her, have 2.5 kids and a dog?"

"Maybe. I don't know."

"Wait," Dave aid, glancing over at him. "You aren't thinking Con Air, were you? Man - you were, weren't you. Look at you."

John laughed, flushing. "Maybe? Uh, ok yeah, I mean, not that I'm planning on going to prison or anything. It'd just - I dunno, be nice to be someone's hero."

"Be the white knight? Slay the dragon, get the princess? Pretty sure that isn't how shit works in the real world."

"Maybe it should!" John said. "Besides, what would you know about it. How many relationships have you had, Mr. I'm such a badass Strider."

Dave snorted. "Enough."

"Who?"

Dave frowned, watching as the screen blinked in celebration of his death. "Uh - man, I don't kiss and tell. It's complicated."

"Man, you're all so secretive about this stuff."

"Well what about you? Has Little John earned his wings yet?"

"What? Ew, no. Don't call it that - do you call yours Little Dave or somethin?"

"Nah, nothin little about mine. Mine' fuckin Caledfwlch, man. Check it."

"What?"

"Caledfwich. It's Welsh."

"Your penis is Welsh."

"No, just - man, I guess you had to be there."

John snorted. "I guess so."

They grinned at each other, then John glanced over at Karkat's door.

"So, uh, is he gonna chill out sometime soon you think?"

Dave shrugged. "Probably. You could always go kiss and make up."

"Ugh, Dave, please," John said, though his eyes were still lingering on Karkat's door. "Is this gonna be a thing, where we go on and on about - this kinda stuff all the time?"

"Please. We're living with a troll whose favorite insults normally include some sort of reference to extended contact between a mouth and a sexual organ. Most of which I'm pretty sure he doesn't find all that off putting when encountered in real life, considering the amount of troll romance aka porn that he reads. It's gonna come up, dude. Doesn't mean anything - unless you want it to."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothin," Dave said. "But look man - you probably should back off a bit, if you really are teasing him on purpose. Pissed off Karkat is funny, but a Karkat that's really bothered about things is kinda shit to live with. Plus he's basically my best non-human best friend, and I don't wanna have to come between you. I'm a shitty auspice. I'll admit it."

"Well, yeah," John said, "But the thing is - I don't know what I do half the time to set him off so bad."

"Pushing him about his sexuality didn't help."

"Yeah, but he talks about romance all the time. Well, he talks about it like it's some sort of school subject. Not how he feels."

Dave shrugged. "To be honest, man, you kinda make it hard."

"What?" John said, looking at him with a puzzled expression. "What do I do?"

"Well, for starters, you act like anything not straight is like hold the phone blow me out of the water and not in a good way weird."

"What? No I don't. I'm fine with people being gay."

"Oh really," Dave said. "Are you sure about that? I mean, what if I was gay. Would you think that was weird? Would you still want to sit next to me on the couch? Share a fridge? Worry about showering together in the same bathroom?"

"Huh - wait, what? I don't know, dude, sheesh! It doesn't matter anyways, because you aren't gay."

Dave stared at him.

John swallowed, looking straight at the blond's shades. "You told me yourself, Dave. You aren't gay. So it's a mute point."

"Moot point."

"Whatever."

Dave stared a few more seconds before shaking his head and looking away. "Fuck," he said. "Fuck. You're right. I did. I totally said that."

"Uh, Dave?" John asked, worry in his voice.

"Yeah, whatever man. Uh, look, no big deal, sorry for flying the fuck off the handle. Look, I'm gonna go check on Karkat, make sure he didn't explode all over the bedroom or something. Blood's a bitch to get off the walls," Dave said, standing up.

"Yeah, but -"

"Just - we'll be out whenever. Just chillax."

Dave heard John say something else but by then he wasn't really listening, was just trying to clear his head. He'd screwed the pooch, bigtime, and had no one to blame but himself.


	8. Ch 8: CHEETOS ARE CHEESY GOODNESS - CG

Human When Harry Met Sally was strangely different from the real version. Simpler, Karkat thought. Still compelling though, even as just a tale of two moirails who accidentally turn flush for each other and almost lose the relationship in the process. Yeah, he kinda missed the kismesis fling that had gone on in the movie between Troll Billy Crystal and Troll Meg Ryan's "never had sex on the kitchen floor" boyfriend, but given the constraints of human culture at the time of the movie's production, it was perfectly understandable.

The door to his bedroom opened and closed. Karkat ignored the person that came inside. He preferred to stay seated cross-legged on his bed, leaning forward to watch the movie playing on the laptop he'd propped up on his bedside table. Dave might not have played an active part in the debacle Karkat was trying to push out of his mind, but he'd been pretty passive about letting the shit happen.

"What'cha watchin there, Karkat?"

Ok so the blond sounded like something had shaken his composure. That still wasn't a reason to break ranks and be all comforting. Though maybe it was, possibly, an excuse not to kick him off the bed when he decided to sit down on the edge.

Maybe it was ok to not move away when Dave started to tentatively scoot closer, either. Though Karkat decided that any move towards the bag of cheetos in his lap would be considered an act of war, and moved it over to the other side of his legs just to make sure it was more protected. Not that he was giving Dave an invitation to come closer or anything. Obviously.

Even if the blond decided to take it as one. Dave sighed and lay down on his side, resting his head on Karkat's thigh.

Karkat looked down.

Dave was actually frowning.

It might have been a frown of concentration though, because he actually looked like he was watching the movie. Not that he'd be able to see everything from that angle. They'd have to move the computer into the chair to make that possible, Karkat knew from experience. But it did something to him. Stupid Strider. Always knowing how to bring out the pity, even when Karkat wanted nothing more than to be a block of cool, don't give a fuck ice.

The troll sighed, and glanced at a hand to make sure it wasn't too covered with orange cheesy goodness. It would have to do.

Dave relaxed a Karkat started to run his fingers through the boy's blond hair. This was soothing, natural. For a few minutes they just watched in silence as Human Meg Ryan and Human Billy Crystal bumped into each other on the plane and got reaquainted. The character that Human Billy Crystal was such a jerk. It amused Karkat a little bit, a he thought about his own situation. Not that he was a jerk like either Dave or John. Maybe a little more like Sollux - no, Sollux wasn't that much of an asshole. Eridan? Hah. Eridan wishes he was getting as much action as Human Billy Crystal acted like he was getting. Human Meg Ryan was easier, she was so Jane. Not that he knew the girl well, but she was always hanging out with Meenah and Aranea.

"What I don't get," Karkat finally said, "is why all these human females are so desperate to get into hearts with someone and all the human males are desperate to stay out of them. I mean, it would make sense if you were in danger of being culled, but you humans don't do that sort of thing."

"Trolls don't either, here," Dave mumbled, turning over on his other side and pressing his nose against Karkat's belly.

"Well yeah," Karkat said, moving his hand down to rub the back of Dave's neck, "but it still makes me curious."

Dave groaned, making Karkat's lip twitch from the way the vibrations tickled hi skin. "Karkat, please, fuck. It's romance. Romance is stupid."

Karkat hit him lightly on the shoulder. "No it's not. It's like a puzzle. A good romance is like this delicately spun web of clues pointing towards the truth of the intricacies of interhuman relationships."

"Ugh," Dave said, nipping at Karkat's skin through his shirt. "You don't even mean that ironically. It's just bullshit stories dreamed up to sell greeting cards and holiday chocolates and cater to lonely middle-aged housewives. And evidently troll college students."

Karkat hit him again. "Dick," he said.

Dave just burrowed his face into Karkat's stomach more, hand coming around to hold him close.

"That's not an entry point, Dave," Karkat said, grabbing a cheeto from the bag. "And hey, Earth to Strider, I can't understand you if you're mumbling like that."

Sighing, Dave turned over onto his back. "Yeah, I know," he mumbled, frowning. "Ok fine. What I was saying was, and make sure you get it on tape because it probably won't happen again: Let me state for the record, that here, in the past few minutes, Karkat Vantas has been right about all the things. Special celebration, ladies and gentleman, hope you had your tickets to this event because it only comes around every 100 years."

Karkat snorted, pinching him lightly. "Smartass," he said. "So what am I right about?"

"I am a dick. Well, I am also a smartass. But I am 100% grade A dick on a stick."

"Oh?" Karkat said. "What brought you to this startling revelation?"

"Well, for one I think I just absolutely fucked up royally. Only I can't figure out if it's because I totally blew my cool and John Egbert will now know the truth about me liking the man sex, or because I successfully pulled off bamboozling my best human friend again about the fact that I like the man sex. John may somehow mysteriously come to the realization that I like my bung-hole getting all up nice and cozy with your nether regions, or maybe figure out that I sometimes use the image of his plush rump in those tight-ass jeans to jerk off to when taking care of my morning wood in the shower. My spank bank has a new advertisement out, and it's all about Egbert's pants. Don't worry, the 'Karkat riding me on the hood of the car after we race through the canyon and blow the amatuer speed test' entry is still number one."

Karkat just blinked down at him.

Dave paused for a moment, then groaned, palm slapping his forehead. "I think I also mentioned showering together. Fuck. I didn't mean it that way, but now - fuck."

That made Karkat start to follow the same line of thought, then he decided thinking about John and Dave wrapped up together in the shower probably wasn't fruitful for the time being. Harry and Sally continued on in the background as he just rested his hand against Dave's chest.

"Yeah, it sounds like you've majorly fucked up," Karkat said, pulling off Dave's shades with his other hand and setting them on the windowsill next to his headboard.

"I know," Dave said, blinking up at him. "At least I've always got you."

Karkat pressed claws into the Strider's chest warningly. "At least?" he asked.

"Shh, shh, you know what I meant," Dave said, reaching up to rub soothing circles on the back of Karkat's hand before intertwining their fingers. "You know -"

The next words didn't come out. They never did. Dave just wasn't like that, not yet anyways, or so Karkat hoped. It wasn't really that he was expecting a super sincere unironic love confession from the blond.

Though it would be nice.

It was enough to just be together like this, though, breath to breath, looking down into a pair of unguarded crimson eyes.

Karkat nodded. He knew. They'd fuck up and fuck up and fuck up again, bang and bruise each other sometimes, but it was all within the safety of this little world they'd created together. He was pretty sure it would survive anything, even Douchelord Egbert.

"You ok?" Dave asked, changing the subject.

"Yeah," Karkat said, frowning and mulling it over. "I just - he' good at pushing my buttons, I guess. Which isn't always a bad thing, except I feel like I keep getting mixed signals from him. And then he pushes too hard on some things. You know how I feel about being hounded about my sexuality. Especially by humans."

"I know," Dave said, then smirked. "Maybe you're just Strider-sexual."

Karkat blanched. "Ew, no. That would mean I'd be attracted to Dirk, and your cousin - just - nope."

"Heh, yeah, well he doesn't do it for me either, if that's any comfort."

"Maybe I'm just attracted to humans. Is that a thing? Human-sexual? Would that fit in with your little earth-centric sexuality labeling matrix?"

"Maybe. Though I don't see your bulge coming out for Rose anytime soon - hey, quit that, I'm kidding - and there was that thing with Terezi."

"Oh, yeah," Karkat said, fingertips soothing over the places he'd just pricked. "Terezi. Huh. Yeah, that was a thing."

"Yep. But then again, Terezi used to be -"

"Yeah."

Terezi had been a thing for both of them, back in the day. Hell, Karkat wondered if she'd played them off against each other. Probably. Though that had been one of the reasons he and Dave - eh, naw. They probably would've gotten to this point anyways.

"She's doing better now, I think," Dave said.

"Yeah," Karkat said. "Chalk one up for the spider bitch. Think her six-month sober thing is coming up soon, too."

"Yeah," Dave said, squeezing Karkat's hand.

Karkat glanced up, debating on whether or not to turn off the movie. Wasn't like he was going to get to watch it anyways. Dave distracted him by opening and closing his mouth like a baby bird.

"Feed me," the blond said.

The troll looked down, less than impressed. "You're not a fucking grub, Strider," he said, grumbling. It didn't make the other stop. "These are my cheetos anyways. You should grab your own."

Dave just smirked and opened his mouth again, tongue wiggling obscenely.

"Fuck," Karkat said, giving in and stuffing one of the cheesy treats into the gaping black hole that was Dave Strider's mouth.

"Mmmph... ah," Dave said. "Thanks. Though I didn't specify for you to feed me a cheeto, you know. Maybe I just wanted - you know - hey!"

Karkat watched as Dave dealt with the two cheetos he'd stuffed in his mouth.

"Fucking -" Dave said, pushing up and coughing.

"You ok?" Karkat said, sitting up and patting the other's back.

"Yeah," Dave said, coughs turning into laughter as he turned around and gave Karkat a sloppy kiss.

"Ew! That's so gross," Karkat said, pulling back swiftly.

Dave just laughed again, rubbing his eyes. "Your own damn fault."

"Just trying to give you what you asked for."

"Really? Maybe I should ask more directly then," Dave said, making kissy motions with his lips.

Karkat shook his head, backing away. "You -" he started, then glanced towards the closed bedroom door. "You taste like motherfucking cheese you moron."

"You do too," Dave pointed out, voice lowered as he leaned in close. "Still more than kissable."

"You're such an idiot," Karkat said, hiding his face in his hands. "Why do I even put up with you."

"You know exactly why," Dave murmured, fingertips walking their way towards the inside of Karkat's thigh.

He did know, more was the pity. Karkat peeked out from behind his hands, drinking in the laughter and the teasing heat in Dave's cherry-red eyes. He was glad that the smirk that answered Dave's own was hidden, because he wanted to kiss the fool again, even if he did taste like mass-produced snack puff.

They were really getting off track here, though. Dave was good at that, good at distracting himself from problems. Sometimes Karkat didn't mind, but when the problem was hanging out in the apartment right outside his bedroom door, well. That changed things a bit.

Especially if Dave was thinking about -

"You mastrubate in the shower?" Karkat said.

"Of course, you know that," Dave said, sitting back and shrugging. "Been spankin it in the shower at the house for years, why would it change now?"

"That's so disgusting."

"Why?"

"Well, John's not - I mean -"

"What, he's probably spankin it in the shower in the mornin too. Hell, he might be over there right now rubbin one out. Never know. Is that disgusting? Thinkin about John, naked, all hot and bothered, moaning out, 'Oh, Kar-"

"You fucking idiot," Karkat said, snorting as he punched Dave in the shoulder.

Dave grabbed his wrist and pulled so that they both fell back, Karkat landing between his legs. "What, you don't like the idea? You know do, Kar. You know you so wanna come over and use our shower and actually jack off for once. Christen the tiles with your cherry-red glow."

"You're stupid," Karkat mumbled, amused enough to ignore the hand that was pawing idly at his ass.

"Ain't kickin me out of bed," Dave said.

"True."

He was, however, holding himself up enough that he could look down into the other's eyes. Dave's fingertips were teasing the seam of his jeans. It was distracting. But not too distracting.

""What are you going to tell him?" Karkat asked, shifting his arm so that he could mess with the blond hair splayed out on his comforter.

"I don't know," Dave said, lips pursing thoughtfully.

He was going to come out with another smartass answer. Karkat knew it, so he shot him a look before the words left those pale pink lips.

"Fff, ok fine," Dave said. He frowned. "I don't know. I mean, I guess we could tell him about us. Or well, me, if you wanted. Do that crazy radical be honest with your best friends thing."

Karkat sighed. "Yeah. He's gonna find out eventually."

"Though that might cut down on the chances of you gettin sloppy makeouts in the piano room."

Rolling his eyes, Karkat said, "Like that's even going to happen."

"Hey, sounds like you're making more progress than I am. Probably because of this cute little plush rump right here," Dave answered, giving it a squeeze.

"Whatever," Karkat muttered, making a face. "It - fuck. It's not a fucking contest, ok? He's our friend. Your best human friend, as you say, though why Jade or Rose doesn't fit into that category is beyond me. He's not -"

"I know, I know," Dave sighed. "He's not a piece of meat, yeah yeah, I know. Yeah. Ok, I get it."

Dave was looking so downcast that Karkat wanted to kiss him out of pity, but he waited.

"So what," Dave finally said. "We like, ease him into the whole, hey man, sausage is awesome and I like my buffet full of hot dogs, tacos and calamari thing?"

Karkat groaned, all desire to kiss him gone. "Don't - are you - did you just compare my junk to squid?"

"Well hey, it seemed like an appropriate metaphor and I couldn't remember the name for octopus sushi."

"If you ever do that again I'm going to fucking make you eat calamari until you puke. The real thing, not the thing I know you like to eat."

"Damn straight I like to eat it. I did say feed me earlier."

"You haven't earned it yet."

"Ow, Karkat, you wound me. So harsh towards a guy who just wants to go to town on your wiggly bits."

"Yeah, well my wiggly bits ain't comin out to play with you anytime soon if you keep that up."

"Yes, sir," Dave said, giving him a cheeky grin.

"Fuckass," Karkat said affectionately.

"Hey, I like what I like," Dave replied, squeezing again.

Karkat chuckled, then pursed his lips as he undistracted himself. "I think we should probably tell him," he finally said. "It's stupid trying to keep it a secret when he's going to find out eventually, especially when just about everyone else knows. Not that I like the idea of everyone in my business, but -"

"Yeah, but secrets don't exist around Rose, and Jade thinks we're motherfucking adorable, and Terezi asked me for a recording the other day -"

"What the fuck?"

"Well, I figure a video wouldn't do her much good."

"That's so disgusting," Karkat said.

"Yeah, well I figured I could remix it or something. Make us sound like chipmunks getting swatted around a racquetball court or something. I don't know."

"You don't know because I'd break all your favorite records if you ever even tried to do something like that."

"Ow man, way harsh. I was kidding anyways. I'll just send her a recording of chipmunks and tell her to have fun."

"Yeah," Karkat murmured, thinking. "Sollux knows too."

"So I gathered," Dave said, lips twitching. "I suppose I should just hope he hasn't hacked into my video feed."

Karkat rolled his eyes. "Why do you think I don't ever screw around with you in your room?"

"Aww, is that it? I can always move the camera, dumbass."

"Or turn it off."

"That's a nigh-on radical notion right there."

"Dork," Karkat said, finally giving in and dipping down for a short kiss. "So are we agreed then? We'll tell him?"

"Mmm," Dave said, bringing his other hand up to slide into Karkat's hair so that he could get another kiss. "Yeah, just - let me tell him first? Somehow?"

The blond had tensed as he asked that, just a bit, just enough that Karkat wanted to kiss away all the tension and protect him from every fear of rejection that ever tried to worm its way into his heart. "Yeah," Karkat said. "That's fine."

"Good," Dave asked, taking the kisses and giving more back in return till the taste of mass-produced cheesy goodness - fuck, mass-produced cheesy goodness that had probably spilled all over the head of his bed - didn't matter anymore.

Oh well.

He could just make Dave clean it up later.

After this round of delicious sloppy interspecies makouts had reached an end.


End file.
